One Weird Comedy Drama


Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Ancalagon the Black
Angillis 333
Anguirus 55
Goji Son
James D
Jet Jaguar
Lord Jimifulss
Jun Katagiri
Kato Yasunori
Mayor Minya
Queen Ghidorah
Robert Ranting
Sandworm Phish
Sheriff Varan
Godzilla Tower
Gamingboy's Mansion©
The Museum of Monsters
Roostville Bureau of

Ogasawara Daikaiju

Mod Squad
Roostville Fire

Kong Town
The Iron Tower©
Hedorah Hills Avenue
Seatopia Street
Hedorah Hills
The Flowers of Edo
Kaiju Corner
Neo-Monster Island


Originally started April 10, 2003 by Gamingboy and taking place April 2008 in the Roostville Universe. This is the tale that really brought "Roostville" to life.

The town is Roostville, where the various Rodan's Roosters live. Everyone from big shots to measly low-lifes can be found here. The skyline includes buildings unique to Roostville, such as the Godzilla Tower and Gamingboy's humongous Invincible Headquarters that is somehow larger than anything else because of a Plot Hole. But the crown jewel of Roostville is the Museum of Monsters. It contains Kaiju memorabilia big and small, from a life size statue of a Gyaos to Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster toilet paper.

Until today...

Chapter One: THE ROBBERY

"IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOONE!" yelled Ubergeek, curator of the "Battles" section of the museum. Ten minutes later, everyone in Roostville was there, from Sauron, Saruman, Bato Goji, Gorgozilla, Morgoth and Lord Jimifulss to everyone else. Ubergeek was still quite exasperated.

"They took everything, from the Gyaos statue to the Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster toilet paper! Yet they left the Minya monument." Gamingboy wondered who could have done this.

"Someone totally deranged," Morgoth figured.

"Someone who is pure evil!" Saruman declared. When Sauron deduced it was someone who hates Minya, Gamingboy narrowed the suspects down to just about everyone in town.

Sheriff Varan was finally able to make his way through the mob that reached clear out into the street. It looked like every citizen of Roostville was at the Museum of Monsters and ready to go on the war path over the missing artifacts.

"This is sacrilege!" the Spawn of Kenny fumed.

"Call the RBI, the President, Geraldo Rivera!" Lord Jimi was frantic. The Museum of Monsters was Roostville's main tourist attraction and people from all over the world came to view it, adding much-needed revenue to the town's economy.

It was an election year so Sheriff Varan figured he had better get on the case himself, like right now.

"Okay, everyone who doesn't work here or have anything to contribute to the investigation, clear the area!" The crowd rapidly disappeared when he pulled his citation book out and pointed to all the cars, bicycles, horses, skate boards and other conveyances haphazardly parked in the street and on the Museum lawn. "Now, Ubergeek, while I check the crime scene, get the entire staff assembled." The Geekspawn hurried off to round up the merry band of conscripts as Varan considered the now empty main gallery.

  • Robert Ranting - amateur cartoonist and resident Anguirus expert.
  • Andrew Smith - their Ogasawara Island contact.
  • James D - merchandising mogul.
  • Jun Katagiri - former government flunky.
  • Kedzuel - web mistress and ruler of some freaky alternate Dragon Dimension.
  • Goji Son - cousin of the infamous Dr. Who and Interpol liaison.
  • Melkor - Middle-Earth archaeologist and self-proclaimed Dark Lord©.
  • Zeptron - head of the Mech Department.
  • Sandworm Phish - techie and jack-of-all-trades.
  • Queen Ghidorah - less amateur cartoonist.
  • Three Anguirus otaku: Anguirus55, Angillis 333 and Anzila.
  • Jet Jaguar - humanoid robot.
  • Eavesdropper - ex-hippy head of the Art Department
  • Raptor - co-curator and were-dino.
There were also the tiny Cosmos twins and the kid in the creepy shorts who never left the Museum. As far as anyone knew, the little freak had a cubbyhole in the air vents. A diverse and volatile bunch to say the least but were any of them capable of such a travesty? As he scanned the assemblage, more questions than answers passed through the Geekspawn's pointy head.

"Right, then. We're getting to the bottom of this if it's the last thing I do. First off, we'll be delaying that Neo-Monster Island trip for a week or so." This news was greeted with a mixed sigh of disgust from the newer staff members and relief from their elders. "Second, I want written reports of exactly what each of you was occupied with last night. Keep in mind, you will be hooked up to the Neural Scanner© which will fry ten brain cells for each bit of B.S. you may cook up." Another sigh. Suddenly, in came the biggest stock holder of the Museum, Gamingboy.

"You're forgetting me! You know, the guy who was able to talk fast enough to get those scanners patented!" The really important people sighed. "I have looked throughout the area and with the help of the Scooby Doo gang (EXCEPT Scrappy), we were able to find this weird Disco-Fever ghost."

"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids! How could I have stolen what was already missing?!"

"Fry his brain!" Ubergeek ordered.

Five days later, the investigation had revealed few clues and all of them were fake. One wacko said that he suspected the Kaiju and would punish them with "Dip". He was quickly kicked out of the Museum and still there was no breakthrough.

"Personally, I think I did it," Angillis 333 reported.

"Um, dude, you know you just put the red light on you, don't you?" asked Gamingboy.

"Uh, I got to go!" yelled Angillis as he bolted out the door.

Chapter Three: A BREAK IN THE CASE
On Day Six of the Great Museum Theft®, the Geekspawn had an Idea, complete with a capital I.

"Yo, Ranting! Anyone wash down the Minya statue yet?"

"No. The custodians filed for depression. Uh... why do you ask?"

"There's a remote chance the thief might've touched the thing and we could be able to get a scent and track the thief down."

"Riiight..." Rob turned back to his cigar. Uber blissfully disregarded his spike-backed comrade's skepticism and rushed off to catch Mr. Smith on his lunch break.

"Can you put in a 'special request' to the Ogasawara Daikaiju Preserve? We need something with an acute sense of smell. A Daikaiju bloodhound, so to speak."

"Hmm... I'll get right on it," Andross replied through a mouthful of pizza sub.

Three days later, six lower-ranking Museum staff pried at the cover of a massive crate as horrendous snarling noises emanated from within. Raptor and QG edged back.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

"Because you're sane," Queen Ghidorah figured. Impatient with the lack of progress, Uber took matters into his own claws, raking the recalcitrant crate with his atomic beam. The battered wood exploded, revealing a great purplish mass of ears, horn and teeth. Rearing up, Baragon bellowed his joy at being free and within easy reach of finger-food. Uber whipped out an industrial strength taser and soon had the proto-mammal cringing before him like a whipped Chihuahua.

"Right then. Bring out the Minya statue." With the Geekspawn brandishing the Hurt-y Stick® mere inches from his personal regions, Baragon lowered his pit bull visage toward the Minya, took a deep sniff, snatched the effigy up, shook it apart and let out a bone-chilling howl before dashing off with Uber clinging to his left ear. His maniacal yell carried back to the nonplussed Museum staff. "COME, LADS! THE GAME'S AFOOT!"

After much bickering, Kedzuel and Melkor finally ran off to meet their comrades, albeit with skepticism and reluctance. The archeologist made a mad dash for the entrance, enticing the dragon expert to follow. They wound around twisted corners, over broken roads and other places of the sort, all the while maintaining sight of the others. With a sudden burst of renewed strength, they finally caught up with the company and their sniffing Daikaiju. It had caused quite a commotion in the streets but since the citizens of Roostville were so enamored with the presence of these wondrous creatures, they paid no heed, save for the occasional glance and whisper. Ubergeek explained that it was a matter of business and that it would be quite beneficial to the town's economy. Like any concerned citizen, they knew well what was being spoken of and wished the company the best of luck.

All of a sudden, Baragon caught a strange scent and was soon following the trail. Sheriff Varan noted this sudden change in the Kaiju's behavior and suggested they employ the aid of airplanes.

"You do know that he might cause some trouble, don't you...", he informed the Ogasawara Island contact. Andross reminded him that Baragon in particular had an insatiable diet and with that in mind, they hopped into some cars the Sheriff commandeered to follow the monster's roars and bellows.

Two hours later and after much searching, they finally located Baragon. Roostville is located on some very fertile ground and he being the burrower that he is, decided to dig a tunnel and there he slept, undisturbed. The company was quite thankful that Baragon didn't go off and pursue human prey. Whether they liked it or not, he was still a Kaiju.

Melkor was shaking his head, looking at a list as the rest of the merry band called the Mods and Fire Department to aid in a swift 'recovery' of the Kaiju. Ubergeek noticed Melkor's distress and he explained that a very valuable Middle-Earth artifact had also been stolen.

"It could mean death to all," he added. Glancing at the paper, something highlighted immediately caught Ubergeek's attention. It seemed that a statue of a gigantic black dragon had also been stolen from the Museum. A cold chill ran down his back and he wished he had never known what Melkor knew. He returned the list as a great sense of dread chill came over him.

Chapter Four: KONG TOWN
The town was beat up. QUITE beat up and that was why Gamingboy and his bodyguard, Battlefield (see The CRIMSON BATTLEFIELD for details) had come there. He turned towards their Sherman tank. KA-BOOM! A building went up in smoke and from it came a black dragon; a gigantic one to be exact. Battlefield's shells bounced off it. Gamingboy assumed his DBZ-esque pose as F-15 Fighter Jets© attacked the beast.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABLAST!" The blast came towards the dragon. KAAAAAAAABANG! But through the dust, the beast still stood although he had lost a leg or two which quickly regenerated.

Ubergeek and his merry museum band, having finally rounded up Baragon (and forced him to regurgitate Angillis) came around the corner atop the proto-mammal to behold the fearful glory of Ancalagon the Black. Uber looked at GB who was still locked in one of those dramatic planet-busting Poses.

"Dude... You do recall that Damping Sphere® we set up around Roostville so those Namek punks couldn't just waltz in and poach the place, right?" Behind him, Sandworm Phish chuckled.

"Oh, yeah! The look on Buu's face before Ghidorah vaped his pink ass was priceless." Gamingboy shrugged.

"So I forgot..." Ancalagon, mildly annoyed that no one was shrieking in terror, emitted an ungodly glottal roar and from somewhere behind the dark saurian, an eerie high-pitched gigglesounded. Activating his night vision, Jet Jaguar zoomed in on a short, chunky figure atop the roof to Ancalagon's left.


"Hey, Uber! It's that little psycho who hangs out at the Museum!"

"Eh? What the heck would HE be doing here-?" Uber was rudely interrupted as a slavering Baragon lunged at the Kenny©, only to be halted by a blast of hellfire from Ancalagon. The Geekspawn's eyes bugged out with realization. "HE'S the thief!" From everywhere and nowhere at once, an imperious voice sounded.

"Close, Spawn of Kenny... but not quite." The deep shadows behind the tiny short-clad child shifted and parted to reveal a great silvery squid. "Ichiro was but one tool in my master plan to obtain the Heart of the Black and obliterate you web-junkie scum once for all!"

"You know what the REALLY scary thing is about all this?" Queen Ghidorah informed Rob Ranting. "It almost makes sense."

"I'm going to go get reinforcements from G PROJECT and any other Godzilla web site!" Angillis yelled.

"Can he do that?" asked Gamingboy.

"Believe me, GB, he can do ANYTHING as long as it is impossible," Ubergeek assured him.

Ancalagon sprayed harsh fire towards them and it looked like they'd be done for when Mothra Showa, Heisei, Rebirth and GMK came to our heroes' rescue. Meanwhile, Ichiro was getting away in an Aston Martin V-12 Vanquish©.

The Geekspawn wondered, "How'd he get that corny special effects eye candy car from DIE ANOTHER DAY?" Varan figured it was probably due to a Plot Hole.

Gamingboy yelled, "TO THE GAMINGMOBILE© and Baragon, help the Mothras!" He needn't have mentioned it, seeing as how he'd already joined the blood feud. GB suddenly raised an eyebrow. "I'd recognize that ominous voice anywhere!" Queen Ghidorah did also.

"It's the Voortack dude from the beginning of Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee!" The Geekspawn wondered what he would want with Ancalagon. Safely ensconced in the Gamingmobile's vast back seat, Uber figured they had better get some serious muscle.

"You mean?"

"Yep. Phone ahead and tell the Mods© to arm up. I'm pretty sure that was Viras directing the Kenny."

"No way, Geek! Definitely the Voortacks."

"Dude... Did you not notice the Giant Silvery Squid© behind the little dork?"

"Hmm... maybe both." Further inside the Gamingmobile's vast recesses, Melkor and the Phish exchanged glances.

Chapter Six: DARK LORDS
Back at the Iron Tower©, Saruman hung up the Mystical Eye of Cytorrak®.

"Yo, Morgoth! Get away from that friggin' board game. It's time to marshal the troops. We got a Section 17 tearing up downtown: Tolkienish Demon-Dragon." With that, Roostville's fascist Mayor slapped on the Iron Crown and whistled. In a blaze of hellfire, a 7-foot-tall image of the demon king Bagan materialized.

"Get yer drinking buddies together. There's a rumble brewing," directed the Mayor. Bagan vanished in a spectral blaze as Saruman returned from the dungeons with 2,500 Uruk-hai warriors lined up behind him. The Unblinking Eye of Roostville's second Dark Lord© materialized.

"Whatcha need, laddies?"

"Section 17 downtown," Morgoth snapped. "You ready to rock?"

"Let's do it." All three fiendish overlords and their various cronies vanished in an eldritch flash, headed for the battle downtown.

When GAMZILLA finally woke up, Kato Yasunori was on the phone, trying to tell him about the robbery at the Museum.

"So... Wha'd they steal?"

"E-V-E-R-Y T-H-I-N-G except for the Minya statue... er... even the Godzilla vs. Hedorah toilet paper!"

"*gulp* er... I see a trail of footprints outside. Be right back." He put down the phone and walked outside to find mushy brown footprints and toilet paper with various scenes from GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER. When he called the Museum, no one answered.

Ancalagon bellowed at the sky, causing it to turn a bloody red. Energy pulsed above while golden lances played along its edges. The dragon could sense a great battle to be waged against him and the Black Devil grimaced, exposing rows of saliva-dripping scimitar-like fangs. Fire flowed from his gaping maw like a stream of water, incinerating the ground below into a bubbling pool. In an instant, a fell light shrouded his body, illuminating it against the now black sky. The black firmament took on several writhing forms like the dragon's own. Soon, the air was torn asunder by the earth-shattering shrieks of thousands of dragons, all hungry with blood lust. Ancalagon roared and his legion arranged themselves in position as Morgoth's two thousand five hundred Orcs and Uruk hai, their weapons glistening in the pale moonlight arrived, marching toward the battlefield.

The demon-dragon Bagan bellowed and fought the heavy adamantium chains that held him to his cage. Foam started to froth at the demon's vile maw; the sickening miasma of rotting flesh escaping his jaws. Beside him rested the fell samurai, Gekido-Jin, locked inside a gigantic prison with the dead body of an unfortunate Orc clasped between his jaws. His steed rested, awaiting the samurai's command. Chains were fastened to the backs of more than twenty thousand Uruk-hai, all toiling under the immense weight of the two beasts, drawing them nearer to the killing ground. Other monstrosities writhed about. An army of Olog hai, clad in intricate and deadly armor, proceeded towards Armageddon, their war hammers and battle axes clasped tightly. A great armored wolf, Carcharoth, was scanning the ground intensely for any sign of prey.

The Lord Sauron's troops of massive oliphants, goblins, Orcs, trolls, variags and other creatures of the night walked under his shadow; the hideous cries of the Nazgul commanding them. Morgoth stopped and pointed forward with the Hammer of the Underworld, Grond. In front of them were more than fifteen thousand dragons, all hungry for blood.

Armageddon had begun as the company sat in the Gamingmobile. Melkor let out a sigh and wondered how long this madness was going to take. Sandworm Phish was glued to the back of his seat and let out a shout, hitting Gamingboy on the head. The Nintendo Master drove faster, forcing the others back into their seats. Ubergeek laughed at Phish. Obviously, he thought Gamingboy was not a very good driver but those concerns were interrupted when they nearly hit a fire hydrant and a wandering dog scared to death by the seemingly possessed car. Gamingboy took a right at Hedorah Hills Avenue and another at Seatopia Street before at last arriving at the stricken museum. They entered through the back door in true B-movie fashion as there was a lot of tumbling, back flips, cartwheels and other unexpected spy moves from all of them. When they were finished, they let out a collective sigh and laughed at their somewhat goofy actions. Gamingboy shone a light in a corner and as if the horror movie had taken another turn, they found GAMZILLA sulking. When they kindly inquired what he was doing, Gam explained that he had followed the trail of GvsH toilet paper to the Museum and when he got inside, a monster-like thing attacked him. He showed them the unsightly wound it had caused. Luckily, Ms. Graham had a spare vial of Dragon Juice, enabling her to quickly heal his injury. The company then split up with her and James D remaining behind with GAMZILLA. If their luck held, they should be able to find the thing that was responsible for the attack.

Gamingboy got everyone else in the Gamingmobile when Melkor told them of an eldritch artifact that just might be able to end the battle about to be waged. They hurried off to the nearby yet dangerous city of Monsterzeroville.

From a nearby rooftop, otherworldly fiends contemplated the merry hell about to break loose.

"Now, Viras, you are certain this 'Ancalagon' can match such a force?"

"With the support you are providing, my comrades, NOTHING will stand in our way, especially since we acquired the one artifact that would save this pathetic city!" A General Purpose Fell Cackle ensued, marred by Ichiro's high-decibel giggles.

In a parking garage across the street, Jet Jaguar's enhanced auditory sensors retransmitted the conversation.

"Support?" Melkor, Ubergeek, Ranting, Zeptron and the Phish groaned as one.

"That can't be good." And indeed it wasn't. With an ungodly flash, a host of new players arrived on Ancalagon's side of the battlefield: MechaniKong. MechaGodzillas I and II. Super MechaGodzilla. M.O.G.U.E.R.A. Titanosaurus. King Ghidorah. Some two dozen Space Gyaos. Legion. As one, all three Dark Lords cursed. Ubergeek sprang to his feet and forgetting that he was inside a vehicle, banged his head on the roof.

"Right, then. Let's get back that artifact... Whatever the heck it is and finish this."

"Right behind you, Geek," crowed Melkor, JJ and the three Angs.

"They're gonna PAY for messing with my Mechs," snarled Zeptron.

"Eh, got nothing better to do," mused Ranting, QG and the Phish.

"I'll stay here and keep an eye on things, if you don't mind," Gamingboy piped up.

"Cool. Everyone... You're the best friends a guy could ask for. Watch yourselves out there and save a piece of that Kenny for me."

"Yo, Geek! This a private party or can anyone join?" The Geekspawn and his comrades whirled at this new voice and beheld a heartening sight: GAMZILLA, James D and Kato Yasunori, astride their war mounts (Gamera and Guiron, respectively). Behind them, Mire Gojira III and Kiryu MechaGodzilla eyed one another warily. Still farther back, there loomed some of the deadliest Daikaiju ever to blight a fan fiction: Cacanya (a.k.a. the Giant Claw). Irys. Anguirus. Garou. The Nemesis Destroyah®. A Warrior-class Legion and last but not least, the new and improved Guardian Godzilla, spectral fire blazing in its white-hot eyes.

"Now we're playing with a full deck!" exclaimed the Geekspawn. Scanning this new crop of assailants, Ancalagon scoffed and let out a low grunt. All fifteen thousand dragons, each gifted with the power to wield complete and utter annihilation, roared as one. Together, they made a haunting music. Thunder rolled across the clouds, turning the sky into a blood red hue. The sun was blotted out by the great mist, sending chills up everyone's spine.

Below, the lone pale figure of Dracois, a former resident millionaire of Roostville, trembled with an ungodly excitement. Above, he could see the swirling forms of countless lances of writhing, cosmic energy. They scintillated and danced at what appeared to be an immense eye, radiating with such intense heat as to melt the ground below. The ever-growing sphere hovered above the airborne forms of the dragons. Ancalagon roared, for no force on Earth, heaven or anywhere in the universe can stand the Flame of Udun.

Morgoth halted in his tracks, observing the glowering sphere of pure energy above. Beads of sweat started to form at his forehead, slowly dripping down to the red hot ground below. Heat was turning his skin into a dark tan; his Iron Crown heating up to an abnormal temperature. Indeed, it looked as if it were already melting. The three Dark Lords stood in unison, staring up at the beasts they were about to face. Morgoth raised his war hammer, commanding all troops face him. Ancalagon bellowed and he returned his challenge. Suddenly, the hammer was pointed forward and all twenty five thousand Orcs, goblins, trolls, wolves, variags, mumaks and various other monstrosities met the cold bite of the dragons' fangs. Ancalagon and several others stayed behind and glared at their new foes: the demon-dragon and the samurai.

Sandworm Phish and his motley crew lumbered forward, the excitement of battle seeping into his mind. Inside the Gamingmobile, Gamingboy drew a deep breath, now confident that they would win the war, recover the artifacts and most importantly, the stolen museum treasures. He sighed as one of the Warrior Class Legion's many legs passed over him, landing a good few hundred feet from the Gamingmobile.

Chapter Seven: A VITAL CLUE
Above, the roar of the Guardian Godzilla only served to increase his anticipation for battle. Gamingboy drove a few feet until a brick hit the windshield, causing it to crack. Fragments of glass hit GB's already bruised face which rudely slammed into the steering wheel when he lost control.

"Who did that?!" yelled the enraged Gamer, blood dripping from his nose. Luckily, he had a flashlight and searched as far as it would reach but to no avail. Angry, he returned to the Gamingmobile, hoping to find a hospital to treat his wounds. Or maybe Kedzuel since that Dragon Juice potion worked like magic. He climbed back into his car and examined the brick.

'Dear Gamer,
I suppose you're quite aware that I am the one who did it all by now. You are a gullible one, sir. If you wish to recover the stolen artifacts, pay a visit to the Smith Manor. That is, if you have the wits to succeed!
Yours, A.S.'
Gamingboy smiled. His attacker was dumb enough to leave clues about his whereabouts so he knew where to find him. The irony of a brilliant thief who managed to beat the best security system in the world, yet dumb enough to disclose his location! The Gamingmobile screeched off, hopefully to recover the stolen relics. The note indicated that the culprit dwelt in one of the most aristocratic residential areas of Roostville: Hedorah Hills, to be precise so Gamingboy and his trusty car were on the trail of Mr. A. Smith, chairman, CEO and president of the Smith Group of Companies.

Gamingboy knew of his notoriety, eccentricity and love for collecting invaluable pieces of art. Mr. Smith was also a supposed member of the Flowers of Edo, a cult which believed Godzilla's appearance in 1954 was herald to the Second Coming.

The address read #1366 Kaiju Corner (the wealthiest street in the subdivision), Hedorah Hills. The Smith Manor. Of course, Gamingboy suspected it was a trap so he brought along some of his handy gadgets. And with that, he got out the car and proceeded to stealthily climb the walls of the sprawling estate. He noticed an open window on the topmost floor and entered, quite aware of the dangers that might beset him. In one corner lay the most expensive piece in the Museum: the Golden Buddha, estimated to be worth nearly $16 billion. Gamingboy grinned and started taking out some of the smaller artifacts. But... are they really the stolen museum pieces or just some extremely well done imitations? Only time will tell. Soon, footsteps were heard. Coming from behind him was A. Smith. Gamingboy turned and recognized him in a second.

"Why, if it isn't my sworn enemy, the X-Boxer! You're having trouble making aliases these days..." The X-Boxer leapt into the room, only to be blasted to bits by a Gamingbeam.

Meanwhile, the fight continued as the remaining Mothras joined the pantheon of defenders. Sadly for Angillis' valiant effort, Ancalagon and his comrades were quick to take action. As one, the dragon army drew ungodly power from some eldritch nexus and the Flame of Udun shot toward his forces. Simultaneously, the air above the super beings erupted in gale force winds and heat lightning. The carnage was sudden and spectacular: man-sized heroes and heroines were tossed about on the winds, spasmed with agony as electric bolts struck home and burned from all planes of existence by the terrible Flame of Udun.

The various Zords fared no better; their systems were ravaged by the electricity and they collapsed in place to be quickly consumed by the Flame. Daikaiju and Ultras alike scattered; several of the slower giants shrieking as they were electrocuted and incinerated. Angillis, snatched out of harm's way by a quick-thinking Ultraman, howled in anguish. Picking up the cry on the wind, Ancalagon released a grotesque chuckle.

However, the intervention had diverted the dragons' energies from the main front and the Dark Lords were quick to exploit this mistake. Hunching forward, Bagan shook the earth with his war cry as a pair of blood red wings tore free of his armored back and began to glow with an unholy light. Will-o'-the-wisps, spirits of those the demon-dragon had claimed, could be seen dancing about the great pinions before Bagan snapped them forward, releasing the energies in one ungodly wave that tore into the dragon front, exploding beast after beast before plowing into Ancalagon with undiminished force. A great flaming rent opened in the horror's breast bone as he was blasted backward, shrieking in torment for a good half-mile.

Raising his war hammer high in the air, Gekido-Jin unleashed a terrible roar and brought it down, the force of his blow unleashing a wave of kinetic energy that splintered the earth before it and pulverized anything in its path. Dozens of dragons scattered, bones pounded into dust before the wave plowed into an unfortunate MechaniKong, splitting the mechanical ape down the middle in a horrendous explosion. And with that, the regular forces poured into this gap. Carcharoth was first, hurtling the space between himself and Titanosaurus in one massive leap. The two clashed, an ungodly tangle of fang and claw. Trolls, Oliphants and Uruk-hai poured in, softening their foes up with a hail of crossbow bolts and flaming faggots before hammering their reptilian foes with tusk and club alike. Hanging back, the Olog-hai poured on bolt after bolt, scrambling nimbly between gouts of fire and swarmed wounded foes with ax and blade.

On the battle's outskirts, a clash of titans began. Rocketing into the air, Irys, Cacanya, the Mothras and a squadron of Rodans sped into a savage dogfight with the Gyaos pack. On the ground, Ghidorah raked his assembled foes with gravitic beams, sending Anguirus, Garou and several Godzillas stumbling back. The Warrior Legion simply erected its Shield, diffusing the fusillade with minimal effort before retaliating with an electro-magnetic blast that sent Ghidorah straight up into an evasive maneuver. Rumbling forward, the two Legions unleashed the full fury of their Swarms before clashing in a blur of horn and claw.

M.O.G.U.E.R.A., drawing a bead on Guardian Godzilla, fired a volley of Spiral Missiles and its pilots cursed as the 400+ foot tall monstrosity vanished in a blur, only to reappear scant feet away. A split-second later, Penguin-Bot was spun around with a savage tail-blow, gripped firmly by the arms and literally disarmed by a vicious yank/atomic pulse combo. Sizing up their opposition, Kiryu and the Nemesis Destroyah released their horrendous war shrieks before launching themselves at MechaGodzillas I and II. While MG I's shield held off the ND's terrible micro-oxygen spray, MG II was having less luck as Kiryu hammered its upper torso with a salvo of Full-Metal Missiles before flooring its predecessor with a leaping kick to the face.

Rolling to his feet, Ancalagon fumed at the pummeling his forces were taking and summoned some backup. Yet another of those popular Space/Time Rifts opened, releasing a new host of horrors: Space Godzilla. The Gudis, Ultraman's deadliest foe. Death, King and Grand Ghidorah. An unruly mob of Ultraman's past opponents, among them massive Barrangas, four-armed Gerukadon and insectoid Majaba. Splitting the crimson sky with their howls, this terrible force descended upon the battlefield.

Back on the rooftop, Ubergeek and company, coming up behind the alien fiends, tackled the thieves in a semi-humorous barroom brawl. Doctor Phish shoulder-blocked a Futurian to the ground and stomp-kicked him. Ranting tripped a Planet X-er with his tail, then put out his cigar on the alien's forehead. Queen Ghidi, seizing one thug with her outer heads, was simultaneously head-butting him and throttling a Nebulan with her twin tails as Zeptron and JJ, fighting back-to-back, had already KO'ed four of their attackers. Ubergeek, plowing through two man-sized Baltans, seized a fleeing Ichiro by the back of his shirt, put the little brat over his knee and raised an open palm.

"HALT!" As one, the Museum staff looked up and there were Viras, tentacles locked about Kedzuel's neck and Andross, with a headlock on Gamingboy and a .45 wedged in his ear canal. The Geekspawn did a double-take.


"One false move and your friends die."

"... Why?"

"Er... Why were we doing this again?" queried Smith. Viras sighed.

"So WE can conquer this spooty planet and YOU can complete your thrice-damned collection."

"Sounds good to me." Semi-conscious, Gamingboy rolled eyes toward the blond turncoat.

"Hey... Didn't I blast you to bits?"

"Personal Damping Sphere, kid. Mucks up those fancy DBZ moves like you wouldn't believe."

"Oh, yeah..." The Phish snorted.

"Lemme guess... You gave him a shot of the GAAAAA-Beam... or whatever you call it these days and assumed he'd stay dead?"

"That sounds about right..."

"Dipstick." And thus the tense standoff ensued. Ancalagon's back-up ravaged their foes, annihilating several thousand trolls, oliphants and other creatures at the same time. The Guardian Godzilla was seemingly lost in some sort of dimension after a blast of Space Godzilla's black hole beam hit him. Bagan was maimed and tortured by all three Ghidorahs simultaneously while the fell samurai, Gekido-Jin, was helplessly under attack by Gudis. Ancalagon scoffed at his opponent's attempts to vanquish him, glowered at the pulsating sphere above and issued a command. The butchery was relentless, merciless and savage. One by one, the Dark Lords' combined forces were crushed into a bloody pulp.

Suddenly, a great light in the heavens forced everyone to stare above in disbelief. Morgoth clenched Grond tightly, bellowing his challenge to the Black Dragon. Ancalagon scoffed at him, swinging his bludgeon tail in every direction. Whole legions were cut in half while others were crushed by the immense weight of the surviving dragons. The Dark Lord grimaced, then paused. From his pocket, he pulled three enchanted jewels as bright as the sun itself and fairer than anything in all creation. The black dragon drew back, then leered at him, exposing fangs which had impaled the bodies of countless Orcs. Morgoth stared at the dragon and put the three Silmarils in his crown. Ancalagon knew very well the consequences of such an action. If anyone were to wear the Silmarils, he will have the power to command all armies in the world and wield the devastating Bolt of Chaos, a force of energy that negates everything the Flame of Udun corrupts. For the first time in this pathetic battle, Ancalagon sensed something that even he might not counter. No matter, he thought, for no one alive in the universe can stand the full power of the Flame of Udun. With a wave of his gigantic wings, Ancalagon took to the sky, hovering a good thousand feet above the energy sphere that was now the size of the moon.

Lances of energy struck the cadavers of the mighty dragon army and in the blink of an eye, they were alive again, resurrected by the awesome power of the Black Dragon. With a final, taunting bellow, Ancalagon released the energy sphere, crashing it into the earth. The impact was tremendous. For miles upon miles, every living and non-living thing was burnt into nothingness by the dragon's awesome power. Surviving legions were thrown into the air, ripped apart by the Flame and instantly annihilated. Phish's reinforcements were nothing more than toys, as evidenced by their complete destruction after the dragon's attack. The entire world could have been destroyed but the demon deemed it was too early for that.

Morgoth hid himself, awaiting the aftermath of the attack. He opened his eyes and saw that no living thing was left alive, save for the hulking, writhing forms of Ancalagon's dragon army. Morgoth snarled up at his recalcitrant pet.

"Okay, little lizard. Time you saw what REAL power can do." With that, the Silmarils emitted a terrible light, actually fraying Ancalagon's optic nerves with the horrible flash. As the dragon's vision cleared, the renewed legions of his enemies were recalled from nothingness by the Silmarils' power and struck back with a vengeance.

Space Godzilla was first to go, confronted by a royally-pissed Guardian Godzilla. In desperation, the cosmic demon attempted to ensnare his hulking foe with a telekinetic grip, only to be savagely surprised as the King of Monsters teleported out of the crystal generated field and reappeared right in front of him to bury his fangs in the crystalline horror's neck. Terror filling his blazing eyes, Space Godzilla was lifted bodily off the ground and as the Guardian's dorsals flared with white heat, writhed in agony as he was pumped full of a potent magical/atomic energy mix. Every crystalline appendage on Space Godzilla's body shattered in a spray of shards and ichor, then he himself followed suit, spewing chunks of bluish hide and indescribable ooze across the entire area. Bathed in the carnage of his erstwhile foe, Guardian Godzilla screamed his triumph to the heavens.

Elsewhere, Bagan blasted the three Ghidorahs back with a murderous hellfire/lightning combo and avenged himself with a fusillade of slasher disks. Showa Ghidorah, slightly quicker than his comrades, merely lost his right tail-tip as he zoomed away. Death and Heisei Ghidorah, swarmed by the slicing energy projectiles, were reduced to especially grotesque cold-cuts, splattering the ground at Bagan's feet.

At his side, Gekido-Jin buried a naginata in the Gudis' abominable visage, reveling in the walking virus' agonized howl even as he struggled against its vicelike tentacle-grip. Bagan, free to lend a hand, lashed out with his bladed tail, severing the Gudis' left tendril with a sickening thunk! The dark samurai, finally free to use his hammer, did so with gusto, pounding the villain into a fluid-spewing pulp before stepping back as a full dozen Ultras finished Gudis with a barrage of Specium Rays, reducing the virus to ash.

Ancalagon, for his part, had his own problems. The Warrior Legion, having disposed of its weaker counterpart, blasted the dragon from the air with a trio of electro-magnetic beams. Trailing dark, oily ichor and a nearly severed wing, the monster plummeted straight down into a most unfriendly reception. Kiryu MechaGodzilla and the Nemesis Destroyah, rising from the mangled wrecks of their adversaries, cut loose with the Absolute Zero Cannon and an Oxygen Destroyer beam, first freezing the dragon's atoms, then dissolving the flesh from his muscle as the Oxygen Destroyer worked its magic. Tortured beyond the sensation of pain, the black dragon collapsed, eldritch energies that had powered him working desperately to regenerate his frame.

Back on the rooftop, Kedzuel's eyes glowed a baleful red.

"Squid Boy, you just messed with the wrong girl." Tearing free of the alien fiend's grasp, she whirled and a blaze of crimson flame consumed her, fading away to reveal a great red dragon. Vast, claw-pinioned wings spread, throwing the battlefield into shadow. An earth-shaking war cry sounded, actually bursting the ear drums of several unfortunate Orcs. Malystryx, Lady of Fire and ravager of the Elf Kingdoms, rose into the air, glanced back to incinerate her erstwhile captor and swooped onto the field, smashing Grand Ghidorah into the dirt with one savage blow. The Museum crew once more goggled at the deranged turn of events. Uber recovered first.

"Who's up for a five minute break?"

"Very good, sir!" was the unanimous response. Ancalagon sensed that his opponent had finally learned to use the Bolt of Chaos. The dragon bellowed to the heavens and thought no more of it. Technically, the Silmarils were still vulnerable to an attack of the Flame of Udun. With renewed confidence, Ancalagon shook the earth, causing volcanos to erupt. Tidal waves crashed against the shores of islands while the rest of the world suffered an immense earthquake.

Morgoth was knocked unconscious. A red mist surrounded him, turning into a bright flame. Suddenly, he was gone, erased from all realities, realms, dimensions and worlds. A light glowed atop the black dragon's head. Soon, three more gigantic horns, pulsating with a fell energy, sprouted from his already grotesque head. Movement stopped as all were drawn to the sight of the Black Dragon. Together, the flame of Udun and the Silmarils' Bolt of Chaos formed the ultimate weapon in the universe.

Chapter Ten: GAMINGBOY
Gamingboy shool himself and stood up.

"WAHOO! THAT FIERY ATTACK DESTROYED THE DAMPENING SHIELD-THINGY! Never did like DBZ anyway. Well, it's time to go SUPERGAMING!" Pulling out Chaos Emeralds (See SONIC Games), a supersonic-like aura formed around him.

"TAKE THIS!" Supergaming flew into the sky and rammed Ancalagon who shrieked in pain. "What? Never tasted some fine 21st century justice?" He gave Ancalagon a dose of UBERGAMINGBLAST and was able to punch a hole in the demon's thick hide as Melkor looked on.

"I doubt he's read very many LOTR books..." Supergaming then grabbed hold of Ancalagon and gave him the finishing blow: An UBERGAMINGBLAST straight to the heart. While Gamingboy's crazed assault stood no chance of actually slaying Ancalagon (the dragon's dark nexus of power extending well beyond even Supergaming®'s influence), it did undo the dragon's dark arts for the time being. Reality warped and reformed and when the world stopped spinning, Ancalagon's reptilian hordes (as well as the Flame of Udun) had vanished.

Staggering to his feet, a resurrected Morgoth scanned his rejuvenated hordes and fixated on a strangely emaciated black dragon as he also regained his feet, Gamingboy's limp form clutched in his jaws. Glaring balefully at his assembled inquisitors, Ancalagon tilted his dire skull back, gulping the insolent pest down without a second thought. The less experienced Museum staff gasped in horror while Angillis, Ranting and the Phish wagered on how long it would take the Gamer to somehow return. War hammer at the ready, Morgoth strode towards his humbled pet, his legions parting to make way.

"Ancy, Ancy, Ancy... Whatever are we gonna do with you this time?" A rattling snarl was the dragon's only response.

"Leave him to me," hissed a demonic voice from above. Morgoth looked up, directly into the fearsome visage of Malystryx. "This one looks like LOADS of fun." Terror and lust crawled across the black dragon's features for here was a worthy mate... or black widow. With a sense of foreboding, the various titans disengaged from one another. Carcharoth released his death grip on Titanosaurus' jugular. Bagan let the pulverized form of Grand Ghidorah drop. Gekido-Jin kicked the carcass of Barrangas aside. Uruk and Olog-hai alike stood down.

"Spit, boy." Locking a taloned hand about Ancalagon's neck, Malystryx kicked him in the gut and Gamingboy was violently regurgitated, describing a long arc before landing on a familiar rooftop and knocking out Andross in the process. Cursing as one, Angillis and the Phish handed $50 bills to a satisfied Rob.

"I could've sworn it'd be at least a week..." Coated in a noxious aura of charcoal and roasted elf-flesh, Gamingboy staggered up and was given a wide berth. Wincing, he pulled a pointy black 'something' from his back pocket and passed it to an aghast Ubergeek.

"You were looking for this, right?" Uber stared at the slime-encrusted dragon figurine.

"Uh... yeah." Without further ado, Malystryx slung Ancalagon's limp form over her massive shoulders and vanished in a blaze of unholy flame. Several of the coarser Orcs wolf-whistled as the rest shuddered at the images forming in their minds. Beside a nonplussed Melkor, Kedz beamed.

"Isn't that sweet?" He slowly turned to the web mistress.

"Eh... how did you... I thought... Never mind." The assembled Daikaiju, super heroes and dark forces scattered to the four winds, leaving enough carnage for Monsterzeroville's custodial department to require overtime into the next millennium.


Gamingboy: So, uhhhh, did we get the stuff back?

Ubergeek: Don't worry. We got it all back on eBay. You can get ANYTHING on eBay!

Gamingboy: Why am I not surprised...

Ubergeek: Because you wrote this part.

"Never again," vowed Ubergeek.


But deep in the air vents of the Museum of Monsters, Ichiro's second cousin removed, Jojo, was plotting revenge. Roughly two weeks later, he was lured from hiding with a trail of Everlasting Gobstoppers, then carted off to Kennyville© for Mayor Minya to rehabilitate.

Of course, Ubergeek had been bitten by the acting bug, as BEHIND THE SCENES OF "ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE" should clearly demonstrate!

Valid HTML 4.01!