|
Somewhere secret, a place so secret
that no one in Roostville even knew of its existence:
"Hey, boss. Hellspawn's dead..."
"Why are you informing me of this news?"
"The cops, they think Hellspawn killed
Desutoroia..."
"Didn't the Sheriff receive our little
present, the security tape?"
"The one we stole from Des' mansion,
with Gamzilla killin' him? Yeah... but cops are stupid..."
"Okay, the plan is this. We get all
those buggers together, we run like He** until we are at least 100 meters
away. Then Count Super Jet Jaguar will push the button, blowing Everything
away."
"Yup."
*****
"Why, hello there, Doug Wood," said
a smiling man. Doug turned around to see who it was, only to be hit in
the head with a hammer. When he awoke, he was chained to a chair in a dark
room where no one could hear his screams for help...
*****
Sheriff Varan, Gamingboy and some of
the Mods were having lunch when the Sheriff started to get disturbing mental
images. He knew that Miki was trying to contact him but something was blocking
out her psychic abilities. He ran to his car and drove off.
*****
Meanwhile at the morgue, someone snuck
in and stole Desutoroia's body. The Sheriff's gut feeling had led him there
and as soon as he walked in and asked to see the deceased, the attendant
checked and found it wasn't scheduled to be picked up for another two days.
Varan received more disturbing mental images and called both Miki and Doug's
cell phones but neither answered. He was starting to get worried.
Not far away, the Spawn of Kenny©
was worried as well. First, the stab of panic from his friend and now the
hellish mix of cries for help, interspersed with the image of a leering
demon. However, the psychics' captors had not reckoned with yet another
bizarre trait of the were-Goji psyche: what it lacked in finesse was compensated
for with raw power.
"GET...OUT OF MY HEAD!!" Baring elongated
fangs, the were-Goji throbbed with rage and began to radiate pulses of
crimson light, pouring a reservoir of distilled instinctive wrath upon
the unseen puppeteer who, operating from a 'safe house' on the docks of
Monsterzeroville, toppled off his chair, shrieking in horror as he stared
into the abyss of the Geek's subconscious. A slide-show of terrible images
flayed the rogue psychic's mind: flashes of the original Godzilla's 1954
rampage; a gangly, unshaven human male guzzling some dank liquid, then
howling with pain as spines, claws and fangs grew. The horrendous battle
cries and death screams of the were-Goji's foes. Punctuating this last
bit of imagery with a primal roar, the Geek reveled in agony-drenched feedback
a split second before the kidnapper's consciousness was blasted into darkness.
He shuddered, drinking in details of Miki and Doug's respective situations.
Caught in a mental lock herself, Ms.
Saegusa detected the shapeshifter's intervention with a mix of relief and
horror. She had no idea that Uber's psyche contained such malefic elements
and hoped never to stumble upon the like again.
Sorry about that... Fairly nasty, huh?
No, I'M sorry. You were attacking whoever
that was blocking my calls, right?
Pretty much... Oh, yeah: Doug's OK.
Some light cranial abuse. Nothing major.
Thank you. Now, if you need a location...
Don't worry about it. I got everything
right after the @#$#wad went out. On my way to pick your boy up now.
With that exchange completed, Uber shut
off the mental link and cast a nonplused glance at Gamingboy, the Sheriff
and several slack-jawed bystanders.
"What, never saw a four-eyed gork beating
up some other freak with his mind?"
Varan maintained his cool. "Missed half
the conversation but that was the psychic chick, right?" A nod. "You two
suss out Mr. Wood's location?"
"Sho'nuff, Sheriff. You wouldn't have
a ride handy...?"
Varan sighed, gesturing to the SY-3
parked outside. "Just don't pull any of that scaly stuff inside my vehicle.
Haven't got the insurance premiums covered just yet."
Five minutes later, a battered steel
door crumpled inward, revealing two combat-ready reptiles: the Sheriff,
brandishing twin plutonium revolvers and Uber, simply baring fangs and
talons in a blatantly obvious threat-posture. Doug Wood, whistling merrily
as he adjusted a knot on the bound villain, looked up and beamed.
"Wondered when you'd show up."
"Yesss...the bait has been set...and
we've hooked a couple big ones," hissed a crackling voice over the warehouse
speakers.
As one, all three White Hats© groaned.
"Is that what passes for a threat these days?"
"OK, so we need some practice!" snapped
the voice. Regaining its composure, the speaker continued. "Anyway... No
doubt you wonder just why Desutoroia needed to die."
"Actually, I'd almost forgotten about
that," muttered the Geekspawn sheepishly.
"Well, you're about to find out. Allow
us to introduce the TRUE potential within Desu, cruelly locked away by
his mortal shell." A nearby wall imploded, revealing a towering mass of
crimson armor, clawed appendages and lamp like orange eyes radiating an
ancient wrath. Towering a good 200 feet into the darkening sky, the horror
regarded its prey with a palpable glee. Its first meal was within reach.
"Neo-Destoroyah. An advanced form of the Monster King's slayer, Geekspawn.
It should be quite capable of demolishing you. But just for insurance..."
The whine of approaching plasma jets grew, hammering the eardrums of writer,
law enforcement official and were-Goji alike. Finally, a resounding thump
shook the premises as the new arrival touched down.
"Aw, shit," croaked Varan.
"Uh, I'd already come to that same conclusion..."
"Not the crab, Geek! I just remembered
that damn video these nut balls sent me this morning. It showed Gamzilla
axing Des!"
Doug, catching on, stiffened with horror.
"If they could do this to Des' body, then with Gam working in cahoots with
the bastards..."
"Very good, Mr. Wood." The voice cackled
long and loud, then started up again. "Meet the Destroyer of the Universe™.
Eater of Children®. Nightmare Gamera." A dark and twisted mockery of
the fearsome terrapin took its place at Neo-Destoroyah's side. Easily matching
the now-transformed were-Goji in mass, Nightmare Gamera smacked yellow-taloned
fists together, sucked in a deep, rattling breath and bayed a senses shattering
roar, the antithesis of the true Guardian's wailing cry. "Farewell, fools!
We'll make sure to piss on your ashes."
Despite the fact that he was about to
die the most horrible death he could ever have imagined, Doug started laughing.
"Piss on my ashes?" he snorted in disbelief. It was so ludicrously eeee-vile.
It wasn't just over-the-top, it was in orbit. "Gee, Mister Blofeld. Are
you going to come to my birthday party and eat all my cake? Sneak into
my house and delete my 'Knights of the Republic' save game file? Sit behind
me at a movie and talk loud, oh evil genius?"
"Stop that!" whined the voice. Neo-Destroyah
and Nightmare Gamera traded looks and shrugged, completely nonplused. They
were giant monsters. Why wasn't everybody pissing with fear?
"I command you," continued the voice
petulantly, "to stop laughing! Oooh, you are gonna get such a zetz! I'm
going to have your corpse stuffed and beat you like a piñata! And
when that's done, I'm going to sew up all the orifices and use you as a
pool float!"
Doug was laughing so hard he'd doubled
over, clutching his sides with tears rolling down his cheeks. Sheriff Varan
was edging away. Obviously, the thought of his imminent doom had broken
the writer's mind.
"Geek," Varan whispered, "he's lost
it. It's up to you and me now! What are we gonna do? Geek...?" The mighty
were-Goji was facing off against the two monsters opposite them. His shoulders
were shaking slightly and suddenly, he spun around with a massive howl
of laughter; streams, rivers of tears coursing down his scaly face. Collapsing
to the ground, he began to beat a rumbling earthquake tattoo. Varan threw
up his hands. "Great. Terrific. Not only am I going to die a gruesome death
but I don't get the joke."
"Sad to say, Sheriff, the joke's on
me," said Doug, wiping away his tears. He stood, eyes going firm. "I really
didn't want to do this."
No, came Miki's psychic voice, filled
with concern. Don't do it! Please! You almost died last time!
Doug smiled. "Hon, I don't have any
choice. Uber's one hell of a fighter but I don't know if he can take on
both these monsters. I'm really sorry. I have to do it, no matter what
the consequences." Now Varan really edged away. "Sheriff, if you're going
to back away from me, you might do it with a little more alacrity. Things
are going to get pretty crowded in a moment."
Doug! Don't! Miki cried but it was too
late. He reached into his jacket pocket and whipped out a silver pen-like
device. Holding it to the suddenly darkening sky, clouds drew together
from across the horizon in a great swirl of motion and he hit the button
on its barrel. There was a blinding flash of light and a cacophony of sound.
Varan staggered back and fell, then scrambled for the safety of the shadows.
When the flashbulb afterimages faded, the were-Goji lowered the clawed
hands shielding his face from the glare and spun to see what had happened.
Just then, a tremendous shuddering thump pushed him back a few steps as
something big and silver landed on the ground beside him.
"Shoowats!" said Ultraman Supremo, a
black and silver giant with glowing, multi-faceted yellow eyes. A black
chest protector in the shape of an inverted triangle glowed with a shifting
field of twinkling stars and amorphous nebulae.
Uber grinned. "Oh, yeah! I think this
just got real interesting..."
"Hut!" agreed Supremo. He moved his
hand to the star field on his chest, reached inside and pulled out the
biggest, baddest LIGHTSABER™ anyone had ever seen. It thrummed and throbbed
in his grip.
The were-Goji's eyes went wide with
surprise. "Holy utility belt, Batman! When we're done kickin' butt, can
we like, look for loose change?"
"Huuuwat!" Ultraman Supremo nodded.
"We'll talk about it later." It was time to start with the serious ass-whuppin'.
"Gamera's good to eat," lilted the were-Goji,
moving to the attack, "he's full of turtle meat..."
There was a sound like someone slapping
his forehead as the evil genius let out a long groan. "Oi vey..."
In Gamingboy's HQ, practically
the only building left standing through all of this:
Gamingboy sat and thought. The SSB's
psychics had felt immense pain, he was kicked off the SY-3 because he spilled
soda AND his computers were sensing a big ROLE REVERSAL© in various
kaiju-like characters. "Weird... very weird." He got back to work trying
to figure out what the **** was going on.
*****
Back at the fight, Neo-Destoroyah and
Nightmare Gamera had shown a very unique ability to make triplets of themselves
at will.
"Uh guys... I think that this is the
time you all run and I push the Red Button," said Count Super Jet jaguar.
"Eh, I think you are right..." About
everyone else ran for the hills.
"Kay, LETS GET READY TO CRRRUUUUMMMBBLLLEEE!!!"
yelled SJJ as he pushed the Button. The aftermath was not a pretty one
as all that remained was a big boulder and a crater about 100-200 meters
deep.
*****
Miki was locked up and all alone. Someone
or something was blocking her from using her psychic abilities to contact
her friends. The room she was in had no windows or air holes to breath
and oxygen was running out. Her kidnapper(s) had escaped. Fortunately,
through the magic of Plotholery™, the airtight cell happened to be in the
same warehouse (or ex-warehouse).
The Red Button™ had obliterated both
monsters but happened to catch Ubergeek and US as they beat feet away.
Barely avoiding the main blast, the 40,000-ton were-Goji was hit by the
shockwave and thrown across Monsterzeroville like an expertly punted football,
obliterating several blocks of suburbs as he bounced to a painful stop.
Ultraman Supremo™ was less fortunate as Neo-Gamera had clamped down on
his right leg with 10-meter tusks, immobilizing both of them. Not even
ashes remained of either in the blast's aftermath.
Splayed out on his spiny back, the Geekspawn
released a drawn out groan and smiled at the pretty colors dancing about
his eyes. Abruptly, he recalled just what had brought this about and rolled
to his feet with an earthy curse.
"Letting SJJ run around with an omegaweapon
like that...what the smegging #%#$ was I THINKING?!" Oddly enough, the
Red Button's wrath had obliterated Miki's captors (who were just leaping
into their Escape Submersible when the blast hit them) but it somehow failed
to do more than warp her cell, creating a small airhole. Now free of yet
another psychic block, her voice rang out long and loud:
That...is...IT!! I've had it up to HERE
with idiots trying to kidnap, stifle and/or murder us! Doug. Kenny. WHOEVER
is out there, GET ME OUT before I get REALLY mad! Said voice sent the unfortunate
Geekspawn into a spasm of cerebral trauma which effectively paralyzed him
for another minute or so. Finally, skull still ringing with the petite
psychic's command, the were-Goji employed a combination of sonar and heat
sensing mojo to locate her prison (not terribly difficult as she apperared
to be the only other functional lifeform in the vicinity), dig through
a 50-foot debris layer and carefully open it, freeing Ms. Saegusa. As the
Geek shrank to human proportions, Miki surveyed the devastation and expressed
silent thanks to whatever had blocked her empathic abilities. Already,
an avalanche of anguish from the thousands who had lost their homes was
crashing against her mental walls. It didn't help to think about the dead.
Reading the pained expression on her face, Ubergeek once more drew the
Temporal Remote™ from an inner coat-pocket. Checking the battery, he narrowed
his eyes. Enough juice left for roughly 13 seconds' worth of space/time-reversal.
"Say, Miki... Believe it or not, I've
got a little gadget that should be good for fixing this up if you'd stick
close to me for a moment..."
*****
On the outskirts of Monsterzeroville's
remnants, the population and law enforcement crew with Count Jaggy beaming
at the forefront, were treated to an especially bizarre show, even for
the Kaiju Belt: A dome of octarine energy spread from the dock area, engulfing
the downtown which proceeded to repair itself in a blur of reverse-explosion
and flying ex-debris. "What the #$#$?!"
"Waitasec..." growled the Sheriff. "That's
a Temporal Remote©! Last I checked, we'd outlawed those doohickeys
under Fascist Decree #1244Z...."
"I doubt MZV will be pressing any charges,"
observed Ubergeek.
At the time/space field's epicenter,
psychic and were-Goji noted the return of both a transformed Doug Wood
and the two monstrosities they'd been about to face. A flickering 'ghost'
image of the Count appeared, Red Button™ in hand. The Geek crouched slightly,
preparing for action.
"Doug and I have the beasties. Just
get that stupid button far away from Vamp Boy. His Past Self© can
only stay in this plane a second or two so move fast."
"On it. And you might want to check
that device," observed a nervous Miki.
"Oh, crap!" Indeed, the Remote was generating
a tiny cloud of smoke as it threatened to burn out. Without further ado,
Uber pressed the STOP button and the frozen tableau they faced exploded.
Releasing unholy howls of bloodlust, Nightmare Gamera and Neo-Destoroyah
sprang upon Ultraman Supremo. Drowning out their cries with his own savage
roar, a rapidly-shifting Geekspawn charged into the fight with Miki dashing
toward the Count as he began his Howard Cosell imitation and snatched the
Red Button™ from the cyber-vamp's hands.
"Hey, what the-"
"Shut up and help me clear the area."
Normally, vampires called the shots
when it came to Mental Manipulation™. However, a mesmerized victim was
one thing and a disgruntled psychic was something else entirely. With not
another word or gesture of protest, Super JJ swooped off, intent on ushering
Innocent Civilians© away from the fight which was now in full swing.
Neo-Destoroyah, rearing back on four pincer-tipped legs, sent a charge
of matter-slicing energy through the other four and commenced a flurry
of vicious slashes in Ubergeek's general direction. All too aware of what
the original Destoroyah's laser weaponry could do, the were-Goji leapt
back, spinning in midair and hit the ground running with Neo-D scuttling
after him at an unsettling clip.
To their left, US slashed into Nightmare
Gamera's upper carapace with the light saber. Though the energy repellant
shell actually stopped the blade from properly slicing and dicing, it did
cut an impressive cauterized gash, eliciting a shriek of pain. Encouraged
by this response, Doug followed up with a low sweep kick that took the
terrapin's feet from under it and spared a moment to check on Uber's fight
which wasn't going too well.
Neo-D, having caught the were-Goji with
a body slam that put the crustacean horror on top, had driven laser charged
upper limbs into its saurian prey's biceps, pinning the Geekspawn to the
ground. Muzzle snapping, Uber released an eardrum shredding scream; music
to his nemesis' ears as it leaned in to apply the coup de grace.
Doug, intent on taking the heat off
his comrade, dashed at the crimson nightmare with a furious battle cry
and light saber raised. Without missing a beat, Neo-D swiveled its head
to hit the Ultra with a blast of micro oxygen. Knocked off his feet, Doug
rolled. His very senses were burning as a chemical hell chewed away at
his skin. Reorienting on its saurian victim, the crustacean cocked its
dire head in a very unsettling manner, orienting on the Geek's jugular.
A black haze slowly tightening about his vision, Uber tensed for a desperate
effort and the head struck, jaws parting ALIEN style to 'fire' a set of
inner mandibles, only to be caught between scaly palms. Tearing his arms
free at the last second, Ubergeek took the attendant surge of pain and
used it to fuel the savagery of his response. Shoving the head back at
a sharp angle, the were-Goji drove razor-sharp fangs into his adversary's
own neck, crushing exoskeleton and microorganisms as his jaws clamped down.
Meanwhile, Nightmare Gamera, having
regained his feet, favored Doug with an especially foul look before unleashing
fireball after fireball. Light saber at the ready, Doug managed to bash
three of the fearsome projectiles aside and ducked underneath another as
the heat singed his cranial helm. He was caught off balance by the fifth,
toppling onto his back. Fortunately, the angle of that particular shot
sent the fireball right back at NG, catching him in the gut and pushing
the anti-Guardian back a good 800 feet.
Bringing his hind feet up against N-D's
abdomen, the Geek shook with feral abandon, exasperating the already horrendous
neck wound and built up atomic fires within, restraining the urge to release
'em in beam form in order to time the Pulse™ to hit just as he let loose
with a brutal double-kick. The concussive combination threw Neo-Destoroyah
off him and back into a 60-story office building. Rolling to his feet,
Ubergeek laced into said building with a heat beam, sweeping it back and
forth to keep the crustacean horror blinded. It worked. Neo-D, carapace
smoking, staggered to its feet to look up at several thousand tons of falling
skyscraper, then vanished in an implosion of dust and debris. Casting a
baleful glare into the haze, Uber detected no motion.
Checking on the fight's other front,
he noted Doug painfully picking himself off the ground and an upended Nightmare
Gamera spinning rapidly, jets of light pouring from its arm/leg-cavities.
Slowly, the Dark Turtle© rose from the ground and Doug recalled a
grim fact.
"Uber, these guys are...or were, fellow
Roosters. We've gotta find some way of stopping 'em without killing them!"
"Great... I doubt they have any problem
with killing US!"
"Wouldn't be a proper 'underdog hero'
situation, would it?" An idea popped into Doug's head and one could almost
see the light bulb switch on. "That gear I whipped up for the Kaijubusters™!"
"Kaijubusters™? Hmm...I remember that
fic! Oh, right. Anyhoo, that stuff sounds like it'd do the trick. You wouldn't,
by any chance have it with you?"
"No such luck. It's back at the cabin.
Can you hold 'em off while I'm gone?"
"I think we can manage." Both titans
spun toward the new voice and stared up at the hovering visage of Irys.
"Go on, Ultra. Your changeling friend
and I shall keep these abominations busy." Elongated tentacles twitched
with the anticipation of carnage. "One condition: the turtle is mine."
"Fine by me." Spying its 'light' counterpart's
nemesis, Nightmare Gamera dove to the attack, scattering Ultra and Were-Goji
with a salvo of plasma projectiles. Rocketing up to meet him, Irys twisted
left, evading the fireballs with deceptive ease and reversed neatly in
midair, raking NG's shell with sonic firepower as he roared past. An explosion
of debris and malefic shriek announced Neo-Destoroyah's return to the battlefield.
Locking eyes with the aggregated terror, Uber released a thunderous battle
cry, actually causing Neo-D to pause for a moment. All restraint or trepidation
tossed to the four winds, the two charged, trading gouts of atomic flame
and corrosive particle before clashing in a blur of claws.
Back in Roostville:
Sauron, brushing ash and gore off a
shoulder of his Armani suit, surveyed the ruins of his once proud town.
"Right. We've taken attacks from Gyaos, Alien Coalitions and Dark Lord
Lucas. And now we knuckle under to a bunch of Satanist mercenary pukes
with masks and automatics? I think not." He turned to a pallid Field Marshal
Mensik who wilted under the Code Monkey's thermic glare. "Release the Dogs
of War™ and we'll give the bastards a true taste of hell."
The orders were given and from the darker
depths and corners of Roostville they came: wave after wave of inhuman
enforcers, specially treated to recognize and respect a certain pheromone
every Kaiju-Belt® citizen was injected with at birth. Anything else
was fair game. They would not rest until their enemies lay in bloody ruin
at their feet. Forming up, the vast ranks of Destoroyah aggregates assembled
in thousands. The sky above them darkened with the wings of Legion soldiers.
The terrible horde paused to receive their instructions from a vengeful
Dark Lord, then spread out to begin the hunt.
Looking out his window with force fields
at IMPENETRABLE POWER©, Gamingboy watched as zombie like minion peoples
started walking around. "Shit."
As the fierce battle was taking place
between the Geekspawn and Neo-D, the Sheriff's cell rang.
"Hello," He answered. It was Raptor.
"It's Gamzilla."
"What about Gamzilla?" he demanded.
"We've found out that he has connections
with the Roostville Mob."
"Oh, shit. The Roostville Mob? Damnit,
those guys are worse than the Godfather or Scarface." The Sheriff then
fell to the ground, sending his cell phone flying as Neo-Destoroyah's left
arm came flying at him. "Sorry 'bout that!"
On the still smoking battlefield, a
blackened and bloodied hand suddenly burst through the scorched earth and
debris. It clenched weakly at the tumultuous sky, alive with the terrible
shrieks and enraged roars of the various giant monsters in a fight to the
death.
With a ferocious effort of pure will,
Sheriff Varan wrenched his bruised and battered body from the ground. All
he could remember was a giant shape rushing toward him, shattering the
ground at his feet and then he was flying through the air. After that was
a blank. Ignoring the pain threatening to overwhelm his senses, he staggered
to his feet. His uniform was barely more than tattered rags and somewhere
along the way he'd lost both his shoes and one sock. He wiggled his toes
in the dirt and uttered a tiny laugh. And as quickly as it arose, he clamped
down. He viciously slapped at his face, berating himself for a being a
weak fool. If he gave in now, it was over and he'd never stop laughing.
He'd just wind up weaving baskets and plotting revenge schemes at the Maser
City Home for the Criminally Insane and Terminally Banned. Assuming, of
course, the sanitarium was still standing, which probably wasn't. Not much
was.
As the disorientation clouding his mind
began to clear, he looked around. Black smoke rose from the rubble like
volcano vents. He'd seen war zones after a scorched earth policy that looked
more inviting to life. Terrible as it seemed, it wasn't the number of dead
that staggered his mind so much as the number of living. That anyone could
have survived at all was both a miracle and a stirring testament to the
resilience of the human spirit. They stumbled around in the haze; a people
of dust, deaf and uncaring to the raging battle. Here and there, they'd
paused to tear away the debris from a disembodied voice crying faintly
for help. As he moved to join one such group, Varan brushed at his eyes.
The smoke was irritating. Of course, that's what it was. Just the smoke
and nothing more. His eyes were sensitive and often watered when bothered
like that. Uncontrollably so as the trail of wet drops he left behind attested.
The sniffling? He had a cold. Summer colds were the worst. Everyone knew
that.
"Sheriff Varan!" cried a voice suddenly.
It was not the disembodied kind, very close and above ground. He turned
to see Miki Saegusa stumbling toward him over the ridges and cracks of
the ruptured earth. She skidded to a halt a few feet away, gasping for
breath. She looked up and the relieved smile that started to curl the edges
of her lips turned into a mask of stunned horror. "Sheriff Varan! Are...are
you all right?"
He shifted the limp bloodied arm from
her gaze. "Well, I won't deny that I've been better." She reached up to
his temple but didn't touch. He winced from the the minute shift of air.
"You're concussed!" she said. "I can
help. Don't move and close your eyes." The not moving part wasn't a problem
at all. To the fluffy white cottony thing that had replaced his brain,
shifting in and out of focus, it felt like his default setting. But closing
his eyes proved more difficult. He groaned as a dagger of excruciating
pain stabbed his temple. The cake of blood from the two inch gash above
his left eyebrow cracked and a warm trickle ran down the side of his face.
Miki closed her eyes and he felt her rummaging about in his head, repairing
the damage from the concussion, rerouting blood flow and synapses. It was
an altogether discomforting sensation and not one that he would have wanted
to experience on a regular basis. But Miki performed her magic well. His
mind began to clear and his eyes regained their penetrating sharpness.
When she was done, she gently relinquished the mind meld. But like a man
playing tug-of-war when the rope is unexpectedly released, Varan dropped
back a few steps in wide-eyed surprise.
"Are you feeling better now?" she asked.
He groped for the right words. "Wow...I
feel...I feel..." With his mind no longer clouded by concussion, Varan
was suddenly shocked that every inch of his body was a walking, squawking
bruise. "I feel like crap! For the love of God, give me back the concussion!"
Miki tinkered a little, reducing the pain to a tolerable level.
"How's that? Okay now?"
He broke into a smile. "Yeah, it is.
Thanks."
"Just don't forget that you're still
injured."
"Oh, yeah. No problem there," Varan
replied. "I'm not in the mood to try running a marathon any time soon."
"How about driving?"
The sheriff looked at her closely. "Driving?
What did you have in mind?"
"Something Uber said," Miki explained
quickly. "There's a giant monster capturing device Doug invented a while
back for this fan fic..."
"A fan fic?" Varan uttered in disbelief.
"We're going to have to read some of that crap he wrote?" He shrugged.
"I guess if we got a really big bull horn, we could read passages from
his stuff and lull the monsters to sleep..." Miki bonked him on the head,
threatening another concussion.
"Are you going to listen to me? He dreamed
up this thing, okay? But since Doug's so anal about research, he cobbled
together a working prototype. It's a wonder the thing didn't open a Dimension
Tide and suck the whole world inside but it didn't. It works! We have to
go to our cabin and get it. NOW!" Varan wasn't sure whether he believed
or not but nodded.
"Okay, if you think this will help then
let's go. Let's go find Gamingboy. Maybe he'll let us borrow the Gamingmobile."
They started to jog away.
"Borrow?" asked Miki doubtfully.
Varan's jaw tensed. "Of course by 'borrow'
I mean 'let's go commandeer that sucker!'"
An hour and a half later, the Sheriff
and Miki Saegusa approached the GB HQ. That's when they saw Gamzilla standing
there with a bloody knife in his hands. Gamingboy conveniently came up
behind him and knocked him into next Tuesday.
"That's it! I'm putting this place to
the mode where it could take a direct hit from the Death Star and not get
scratched. And you don't need to take the Gamingmobile. Take the tank out
back instead." Gamingboy, after throwing Gamzilla's body into a crematoria
(that was also ringed with machine guns just in case), flicked off the
force field and watched Miki and Varan drive away. He then turned it back
on and saw various people wanting to kill him run straight into the wall.
"Idiots," he mumbled.
At Count Super Jet Jaguar's Castle:
"Hmm... All this could only mean one
thing and that is they are trying to resurrect the Blue Devil!" yelled
the Count as he went into his 'work shed' and located all 500,000 of his
Red Buttons. Just then, a book fell down onto one of them, causing a chain
reaction of Button explosions.
Inside Gamingboy's Headquarters:
"Great! What did he do now?" Gamingboy
asked and from the dumpster that he ditched him in, Gamzilla's hand rose
up!
After using his secret tunnel to avoid
Gamzilla and noticing the Button explosions, Gamingboy decided to use some
bionics to see what was going on.
"Holy crud! I think Gamzilla could be
coming back from the dead!"
Mario asked, "Whya could that be?"
Gamingboy sighed. "Because that's how
things work in these stories, it seems..."
*****
The Roostville Mob now had their eyes
on Gamingboy, Sheriff Varan and Miki. Their five best assassins were called
in and being no fools, demanded octuple the standard fee once the nature
of said trio (not to mention their various associates) became clear. They
elected not to strike until the Monsterzeroville furor had died down, which
ensured a relatively safe return to Doug's cabin, only to meet the Sentai
Writer™ halfway there, toting the 'Buster device. Zooming back toward the
distant fight at roughly Mach 4, Mr. Wood noticed the approaching vehicle
just in time to decelerate, throwing up a massive cloud of dust as he touched
down. Wheezing like he'd just switched to the Patch® yesterday, Sheriff
Varan vacated the drivers' compartment of GB's upgraded M-1 with a speed
that belied his age and mass. Miki was even faster, vaulting out of the
.50-caliber maser turret and assisting the reptilioid arm of the law from
the haze (being shorter proving useful in this particular scenario). Craning
their necks to look Ultraman Supremo™ in the eye, both gaped. The mighty
warrior's upper torso was covered by the Starfield© that replaced
a standard Ultra's timer. The field seemed to slowly expand as they watched
which seemed to aggravate and frighten Miki at the same time.
"All right, Doug. You've got the Shrink-o-Ray."
"Capture device."
"Whatever. We have transportation. Now
change back before I get really upset." Doug wisely complied, shrinking
from a 220+ foot super hero to normal human in the span of 12 seconds.
Stepping forward, he abruptly stumbled and collapsed, shivering as if stricken
with frostbite.
The Sheriff, to put it lightly, was
nonplused. "What in tarna-"
Miki shook her head ruefully as she
moved to Doug's side. "That's the price an Ultra pays for operating without
a timer on Earth." Draping Doug's arm over her shoulder, she explained.
"When Doug bonded with Ultra 39, they tried to devise something that would
let him fight without worrying about the energy drain. It uses the power
of the cosmos but doesn't work exactly right." Varan moved in to assist
Miki in getting an unconscious Doug secured.
"Yes...the miniaturized black hole Ultra
39 uses provides near infinite power reserves but spreads uncontrollably
and infuses the host with the cold of space as they return to human form."
Miki sighed. "Ultra 39 actually told
him about the effects beforehand and Doug still insisted."
*****
Elsewhere, Hellspawn indeed rose from
the 'dead', or unconscious anyway. However, upon a thorough analysis of
his surroundings, the herald of Hades quickly wished he'd stayed out. It
was an observation common to every inmate of the Dark Lord's dungeons and
Sauron, flanked by a pair of 'bodyguards' that would have done the undiscovered
10th Circle of Hell proud, grinned up at his captive.
"Morning, Sunshine. Someone's had a
nice nap." Having counted on being left for dead after his disastrous battle
with Ubergeek, Hellspawn took some time to fully process this unpleasant
scenario, involuntarily working his jaw a couple times as he did so. Sauron's
already Cheshire-esque grin stretched further, eyes radiating a terrible
Power.
"Surprised, boy? You and your flunkies
should know by now that Roostville is full of surprises and plenty of ugly
ones at that."
Hellspawn sneered. "What your burg is
full of now is smoking debris and the lamentations of the survivors."
"Oh, yes...your little games. Well,
guess what, Spawny. You and your bosses aren't the only major players around
here and you damn sure aren't the best." The Dark Lord snapped his fingers
and the unspeakable beast to his left reached in to pluck a black cell
phone off Hellspawn's person. Attempting to lash out with a nose splintering
kick, the erstwhile assassin found himself totally immobilized by some
unseen force. His shock and rage writ large across bulging eyes and gritted
teeth, drawing a wet chuckle from both abominations. Sauron beamed.
"Thaumaturgically engineered Balrog/Uruk-hai
hybrids drink up intense emotions like a draught of ale and they just love
fear."
"Well, they'll have plenty once my retrieval
team arrives."
A faint snicker escaped the Code Monkey's
lips as he dialed a familiar code on the phone, one that by all rights,
he should've had no way of knowing.
"Ah, yes. Your faithful commandos. Plenty
of fear there..." Automatic fire, ripping noises, screams of torment and
a harsh, spine freeezing chittering crackled over the phone's receiver.
"Just not on the side you'd think." For the second time since accepting
the Mob's contract, Hellspawn got the funny feeling he'd entered a pit
of hatchling Baragons with raw beef stuffed down his pants.
"No, I think you'll be enjoying our
hospitality for quite some time. Just how long depends on your ability
to 'communicate.' You do get the point, right?" One of the Balrog-hai,
hauling up a massive wheelbarrow load of 'persuasive devices,' held up
a very rusty... thing.
*****
Back at Monsterzeroville, the battle
raged on. Nightmare Gamera, shell scored with sonic gashes and plasma residue,
plunged down after a tightly spiraling Irys, converting to Saucer Mode®.
Below, Ubergeek and Neo-Destoroyah were locked in a brutal grappling bout.
Neither was a pleasant sight as Neo-D was missing two left appendages out
of the original eight and a hideous foaming crater in the Geekspawn's right
shoulder indicated the site of a micro-oxygen injection. Even as the monsters
clashed, G-cells fought the corrosive particles in a microscopic war that
left the were-Goji's arm alternately drooping inert or jerking spastically.
The pain, when he noticed it, merely provoked a redoubled frenzy, literally
tearing bits of chitin from his towering nemesis' frame even as laser charged
claws bit into his flesh. Finally sensing the crustacean falter for a split
second, Ubergeek drove in hard, wrapping forearms about Neo-D's abdomen
and heaving its incredible mass off the ground. Now too far inside claw
radius for the beast to safely employ its lasers, the were-Goji squeezed,
feeling his foe's exoskeleton flex and splinter under the pressure. Thrashing
furiously, Neo-Destoroyah warbled its frustration, a trickle of acidic
foam leaking from its open maw.
Irys, noticing the deadlock, immediately
applied a little method to his madness. Banking right in the dive, he leveled
out slightly, aimed straight for Neo-D's back. Somehow tracking the Gyaos
mutant through the maneuver, ND spun recklessly after.
The Geek, uncertain his right arm would
keep cooperating much longer, glimpsed Irys' Mach 2 approach, spied the
whorl of cyan plasma-jets as Nightmare Gamera closed the gap and released
his sparring partner, leaping aside just as Irys passed overhead. Neo-D,
rocked slightly by the sonic boom, started to draw a bead on the vampiric
hybrid and was blind sided by a massive spinning shell as Nightmare Gamera,
lacking the control to respond fast enough in Saucer Mode, plowed into
his 'partner in crime.' The two skidded for a full mile, obliterating any
remaining structures in their path before coming to a tangled halt which
by convenient coincidence, was just where Miki, Doug and the Sheriff were,
'Buster gear ready to rock.
Though in retrospect, it might've been
a touch more convenient if Nightmare Gamera hadn't spied their tank a mere
200 feet away and decided on an especially nasty means of venting his rage.
Staggering up and away from the crippled Neo-Destoroyah, the Eater of Children™
cocked a clawed left fist, closed his eyes for a moment to summoning reserves
of corrupted Mana® and leered down at his victims-to-be, said fist
glowing with a white flame. What choice did he have? The fist was headed
right toward them. Even modified, the M1 could never manuever out of the
way in time.
In the split second it took to make
his decision, Doug smiled and looked around at the others. Stalwart Sheriff
Varan, who even now when it was too late, struggled in vain to change their
course. And then at Miki, his beautiful beloved, who did not sense his
decision until he had leaped up the turret ladder.
"No!" Miki cried out in his ears and
in his mind. She grabbed for his pant leg and clutched only air. Doug dove
from the swerving tank, raising his Supremo Capsule to the sky as he fell
and there was another blinding flash of light.
"Shoowats!" The black and silver Ultraman
Supremo landed on the ground with an earth shattering rumble. Like a spreading
disease, the space field originally confined to his chest protector had
leeched out and now ran halfway down his arms. Comets streaked across his
muscular biceps and stars exploded in a chain reaction of rainbow colored
supernovae. Terribly weakened, Ultraman Supremo caught the Nightmare Gamera's
burning fist in his hands with an ear shattering clap and staggered back
from the force of the impact. Directly below the struggling beings, the
tank veered to safety in a cloud of dust. Inside the cockpit, Miki fell
to her seat in tears while Varan watched the titans in the rear view monitor.
"My god! He's full of stars..."
*****
The various assassins wanting to Kill
Gamingboy kept running into the force fields.
"Aw, Tony, my main man. You come to
me on the day of my brother's attempted assassination? What's the problem."
"Gamingboy's yer bro..?"
"Yes, well, can't let family get in
the way of business. Any way, what do you want?"
"Da mayor. I want him dead."
"I already have my top assassins tryin'
to kill the Sheriff, Miki and my brother. Wait a minute! I may just know
someone who can do the job right..."
The mob boss assigned Spydrmanjr for
the task of killing the mayor.
NOTE: Tony is no relation to Gamingboy.
It's someone else who lives in Mexico.
*****
Meanwhile, the Sheriff was lost in thought,
thinking long and hard on the investigation. He thought about Desutoroia's
murder, the skewered mannequin and the attacks on various kaijuu cities.
The mannequin and the attacks weren't really the mob's style. They did
things differently and weren't interested in killing thousands. That's
when Varan pieced it all together. The mob wasn't behind the terrorist
attacks but who was?
*****
Gamingboy's UBER-RADAR© was picking
up every living and living dead thing in town. The current count was about
a thousand. Just then, the count of people started to fall, stopping at
700. He looked at the U-R©. Three hundred people in the former area
of the Museum of Monsters had disappeared. GB picked up the phone and set
an auto call to every one of his colleagues at once. Then he sent the e-mails,
IMs, faxes. He was hoping desperately someone would answer.
*****
Meanwhile, Spydrmanjr had snuck into
the Mayor's house. Awaiting his arrival, he looked around. It didn't have
a roof and there were a few holes in the wall. Some paintings had gone
DORIAN GRAY© and were blood stained.
(That was the narrator talking)
*****
The Sheriff grabbed his cell and dialed
Raptor's number.
"I've pieced it all together," he reported.
"The Mob and Desutoroia's killers aren't the ones behind the terrorist
attacks on Roostville, Maser City and Neo Monster Island."
"How did you figure this one out...?"
"Terrorism isn't the Mob's style."
"Well, Sheriff, if the mob wasn't behind
the attacks, then who was?"
*****
Meanwhile, the mob's top five assassins
(one of which was Gamzilla) were making plans for hunting down and killing
Varan, Miki and Gamingboy.
*****
Gamingboy waited for a reply. It's not
every day that 300 people disappear in less than 0.000001 seconds. He wasn't
going to leave his impregnable, invincible fortress place.
He was roused from his depressed musings
by a thunderous roar approaching from the west, soon overpowered by the
familiar JET JAGUAR theme. Raptor had collected Lord Jimi from his convalescence
and hustled him into the shot gun seat of the one-and-only THUNDER CHICKEN,
the enterprising Roostafarians' towing and recovery vehicle that resembled
a Super X more than a tow truck. With its top mounted jet engine, it was
always the first on the scene of any rail or truck wrecks their powerful
scanners picked up on. It's menacing .50 cals discouraged even on call
duty wreckers that local authorities might have dispatched if valuable
cargo was at stake. Able to handle over 100,000 pounds of semi, trailer,
railcar and freight, the powerful vehicle kept Roostville well supplied
with about anything that moved around the area that didn't exactly reach
its intended destination. The modern day Robin Hoods freely shared the
bounty of the Information Superhighway™ with their fellow citizens so Sheriff
Varan and the Dark Lords had to pretty much back off if anyone had a 'problem'
with the little enterprise.
The monster truck and Roostville's favorite
super duper robot waited at the edge of the force field which Gamingboy
obligingly disengaged just long enough to slip outside.
"Join us in a little pre-election 'campaigning'?"
Raptor called down. "The way things are going around here, you're much
safer with us than trying to fend off assassins, zombies, rat critters
and who knows what else. The Sheriff can also use some back-up at Morgoth's
place."
"Be right with you!" Gamingboy grinned
as he tossed an armload of ordnance into the Gamingmobile. Returning, Gamingboy
realized something: Raptor knew he had a super powerful invincible force
field. Why, she had even stopped in front of it to avoid crashing. IT WAS
A TRAP!
He turned around and yelled, "Sorry,
I've found my CDs. I don't need the JJ theme after all. But go check out
that place, okay?"
*****
"AH HA! The Blue Button o' Doom is completed!
Now to get back to making more Red Buttons. Where is the duct tape?" wondered
SJJ. "Aw, nuts! The Sheriff doesn't know about Omega Doom! I have got to
warn him! If just one more person dies, the Blue Devil will be released!"
yelled the Count.
NOTE: The Blue Devil is the
Son of the true Devil who can only be released upon the Earth once a certain
number of people die. He doesn't have a heart and he can't be killed unless
the Heart of Armageddon is destroyed but the destroyer would be killed
by the curse. Also, it is almost impossible to get to the Heart Of Armageddon.
*****
In Gamingboy's HQ, he could hear SVAMP
yelling.
"Maybe I should put whatever his new
hideous monstrosity is into Dimension Tide.... hmmm... Nah! WHAT THE HECK
WAS THAT!" Another 100 people disappeared from the screen.
*****
Miki and Varan were sitting in the giant
tank while Geekspawn fought the Neo-Destoroyah and Nightmare Gamera. Suddenly,
they heard a huge explosion.
"What the Hell was that?!"
They drove to Gamingboy's Headquarters
as it was the safest place to be while Ubergeek and Ultraman Supremo battled
Nightmare Gamera and Neo-Destoroyah. Gamingboy let them in through a secret
entrance so that the people that he was convinced were out to get him couldn't
get in. They didn't know that Gamzilla and the other assassins had gotten
in by passing the alarms and force field without being detected or seen...
NOTE: It's not the Count's
little Red Buttons that caused the above explosion.
*****
With contemptuous ease, Nightmare Gamera
tossed aside the ailing Ultraman Supremo. Arms flailing, he flew through
the air as lifeless as arag doll and crashed with a tremendous noise into
the smoking remains of a building, rising like the jagged stump of some
rotten tooth in the raging field of battle. Although his unexpressive black
face and yellow eyes masked the fact, the Ultran was obviously struggling
with unendurable pain. The Starfield© covered his entire chest
and from arms to wrists and up to his chin, the the frigid vacuum of space
was quickly enveloping his entire body. Brown Dwarfs and Red Giants convulsed
in silent agony as they were given birth, lived and died in fiery explosion
in the span of a single beat of Supremo's racing heart. Like some ravenous
cannibal, the dark tendrils of the Starfield© slid down his thighs
and calves, bringing fire and ice to lower extremities. As dying nerve
endings misfired in firecracker sequence, his legs and feet started twitching
uncontrollably, battering the ground and raising great clouds of choking
dust into the hazy sky.
Nightmare Gamera watched this from a
distance, somehow sensing in his own primitive way that this foe was no
longer a threat and dying. As it watched the struggling being's pathetic
attempts to rise, waiting with eager anticipation for the final death rattle,
its eyes were drawn to the nearby battle between the were-Goji and Neo-Destroyah,
the Nightmare Beast's erstwhile partner. Neo-Destroyah had done quite well
to hold its own against the raging Geek but before the were-beast's unrelenting
savage onslaught, the gigantic aggregate was starting to back away and
giving ground. As much as it would have delighted Nightmare Gamera to stay
and watch Supremo's death throes, it turned to lumber away. In frustration,
Ultraman Supremo beat his fist on the ground. He summoned what little strength
he had left from the depths of his being and managed to rise to one knee.
The pain was nonpareil, unlike any he had ever known and fervently prayed
would never know again. Uber's words echoed through his mind -- they're
Roosters! We can't kill them! We can't! He reached in his chest, the Starfield©
rippling like a pond of water and pulled out a small star; a marble of
white fire that singed his fingertips as he reeled back to throw it at
the receding shell of Nightmare Gamera. The impact would not kill it he
knew but hopefully, it would weaken the beast, perhaps knocking it
unconscious and incapable of further fighting. But all good plans oft go
astray. Clutched in his burning hand, the white star convulsed and went
supernova. Nightmare Gamera spun at the sudden blinding light. Had his
foe found the strength to fight on? But as the glare faded from the battlefield,
he saw there was nothing left of Supremo. The ruin where he had left him
for dead was empty. There was only a vagrant breeze disturbing the dust;
that and perhaps a faint echo of a fading scream of unimaginable pain.
Nightmare Gamera shrugged it off and moved to help Neo-Destroyah. But as
it turned, something fell from the sky. The Supremo Capsule glittered silver
as it struck the ground and rolled toward a great crevasse in the wounded
earth. It balanced the edge of the black abyss for a brief tantalizing
moment and then fell, ricocheting back and forth like an empty can off
the rock, down to the place where only dark things dwelled and scurried
and scraped.
"Ooooh...what is it?" hissed one such
thing, holding the battered Supremo Capsule to its curious glowing eyes.
"What is it...my prrreciousssss...?"
*****
"Gamingboy!" Miki gasped. "We..." A
strange expression came over her face.
Varan looked concerned. "What's the
matter?" But she didn't reply. Her body suddenly spasmed, muscles
going rigid. The fragile Buster device
splintered as her hand wrenched closed in a painful fist.
"Doug..." she whispered. Then her eyes
went blank as she fell to the floor and lay comatose, a mindless husk.
"Doug, I'll get Peach to help her...."
But then Samus spotted some strange
fellows. "Who are you?" She was met with attacks which her armor protected
her from as she counterattacked and announced over the radio, "We've got
intruders! WE NEED HELP!" Gamingboy picked up the radio and called all
the SSB (except Peach and Pikachu who could be used as a defibrilator in
case of emergency) to go help Samus.
*****
Nightmare Gamera had discovered the
force field but before he could look into it, Ultraman attacked. While
to two beasts were fighting, Neo Destroyah charged into it, thinking it
could get through but couldn't and was repulsed back into Ultraman, sending
both of them to the ground. Nightmare Gamera blasted the others with a
fireball of tremendous energy and then tried the same on the force field
but the fireball rebounded and knocked him on the ground. Ultraman got
up and threw Neo Destroyah at Nightmare Gamera. Everyone watched as the
battle continuied. Gamingboy, in his Command center, also watched.
"I've got an idea." Suddenly, Maser
Cannons appeared from under the ground outside the force field and started
firing at Neo Gamera. Ultraman flew out of the smoke but NG held Neo Destroyah's
legs so it couldn't escape. Missiles flew like rain from a storm as Ultraman
watched from above. Gamingboy laughed as the kaiju were attacked by his
cannons.
*****
GAMZILLA and his buddies had gotten
into the Main Control Room of GB HQ and shut down the force field. Then
they sabotaged the room beyond repair. GAMZ and his buds were soon making
way for the final battle.
*****
Meanwhile, Morgoth was singing in his
kitchen, cooking some eggs. Spydrmanjr snuck up behind him and that's when
the Mayor surprised ol' Spydie and hit him in the head with the frying
pan.
"That's it! I hate these shitty STAR
WARS EPISODE 1 (and 2) Fans that George Lucas is continuously sending after
me! GRRRRR! I am calling the Moderators as soon as I tie this ####er up."
Morgoth bent down to drag him over to a chair and noticed a badge that
read 'George Lucas Mafia'.
"What the ...!? George Lucas has started
his own Godfather rip-off, the George Lucas Mafia! That's it! I'm calling
Varan."
At the GB HQ:
Varan picked up his cell.
"Sheriff! George Lucas, that evil Phantom
Menace from my past... KILL HIM!"
"What's the matter?"
"First, that no good PM is ripping off
the GODFATHER with his new gang, the George Lucas Mafia Corporation. Second,
one of his assassins, an EPISODE 1 (and 2) lover, Spydrmanjr, tried to
kill me!"
Varan remembered when Gamingboy knocked
out GAMZILLA. He had been wearing a similar badge on his shirt. This incident
with Spydrmanjr being an EPISODE 1 lover and working for Lucas reminded
Varan about the times GAMZILLA said he didn't care if Godzilla's 50th Anniversary
film was a G.I.N.O. film, about G.I.N.O. and not the Real Gojira. Then
it hit him: GAMZILLA was a G.I.N.O. lover!
"Hmmmm, what was that, Varan?"
"Just Morgoth, plotting the death of
George Lucas as usual."
"Too bad I didn't run over his usual
mind when I ran over the evil twin."
"Anyway... How's Miki doing?"
"I dunno, Peach is checking her."
Doug Wood ran in. "We need a defibrilator!
Oh, hi, Varan. How'd you get here?"
"One of Gamingboy's Plot Holes."
"Anyway..."
"PIKKKKKKAAAAACHUUUUU!"
"SHE'S OKAY!"
"How do we know who's talking?"
"I dunno."
Gamingboy: "Perhaps this will help during
long conversations."
Varan: "Cool."
Doug: "Anyway, what was it, Varan?"
Varan: "Morgoth wants to kill every
member of a so-called George Lucas Mafia and I've figured out something.
Gamzilla is a GINO fan!" (Cue dramatic music)
Gamingboy: "NO! NO! NO! It's M.A.F.A.,
Members Against Falling Armadillos! The MAFIA is making the GODFATHER rip-off!
He can't hurt me!"
Varan: "Yeah, but what about Gamzilla?"
*****
Downstairs, where the SSB was making
a last stand before the assassins could bust through the door, the battle
had begun! GAMZILLA and the four assassins sent by the Roostville Mob leader,
George Lucas, entered the room where Gamingboy and Co. stood their ground.
"You'll never take me alive!" GB shouted.
"Orders are to kill you on sight, Mr.
Boy!" replied GAMZILLA in a cold voice.
"The name's Boy, Gamingboy!"
"WAIT!" the Sheriff shouted. "GAMZILLA,
I think I know what you are going through. I can help... I know how it
must feel... horrible doesn't..?"
"What the bloody heck are you talking
about, Sheriff?" Varan's face turned from a happy expression to a rather
sad and disappointed one.
"Listen, GAMZ," he began. "I know...
Don't deny it either because I KNOW! I KNOW!"
"KNOW WHAT?" GAMZ's buddies made a quick
getaway, leaving him behind.
"I know, GAMZ, I know... I know that
you... are, always were, always will be... nothing but a... G.I.N.O. LOVER!"
"N-n-n-no... It's not true. I..!"
"Listen, GAMZ, I can help. I was once
a therapist, ya know. Plus, I wasn't very popular in school. I was an outcast
so I know how it must feel to be rejected by others for stupid reasons.
God, I wish I had a different hair style back in '76... Any way, I know
how horrible it must feel the same way our society treats people... maybe
if you..."
"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP, SHERIFF!" Gamingboy
yelled. GAMZILLA sat there, crying. Meanwhile, Mario had set off the silent
alarm so the escaping assassins were picked up by the Mods.
"Now, GAMZILLA, why did Lucas want Desutoroia
dead? Please, this is very important," Varan asked.
"Lucas didn't want Des dead. I did..."
"And why was that?!" Count Super Jet
Jaguar asked like a rude child.
"He, he... he started the Anti-G.I.N.O.
Lawsuit Campaign. I just hated him for that! So I went to his house to
make him stop... But he wouldn't listen so I killed him..."
"That is just SICK!" Gamingboy said,
then threw up all over the floor.
"Well, GAMZ, you are sloppy at cover
ups. You had us all confused through most of this story."
Raptor, Melkor and a few of the other
Mods had showed up and Varan had GAMZILLA taken to the Roostville Institution
for the Mentally Insane rather than to prison because it was clear he wasn't
sane.
*****
A few hours later, everyone that appeared
in this story was celebrating the end of the weird events. They were all
chatting and partying when Gamingboy asked, "Where's Geekspawn and Doug?"
Suddenly, Nightmare Gamera's arms and legs came flying through the window.
"SORRY 'BOUT THAT! JOIN YOU AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE!" Then a Sith dressed character with a real saber came in.
He was wearing a stupid kid's Darth Vader mask.
"Gamingboy, there's something I have
to tell you before the Mods find my secret base and arrest me..."
"And that would be...?" He takes off
his mask and it's George Lucas, leader of the Roostville Mob.
"I am your brother!"
"NNNOOOO!!!!" Gamingboy shouted.
"Search your soul, Gamingboy. You know
it be true. Join me and together we will rule Roostville© as brother
and brother..."
"Give me a gun and I'll shoot the bloody
bastard," said Morgoth. "He ruined one of my favorite sci-fi franchises
with that Phantom Menace garbage!"
Gamingboy could not believe his brother
was George Lucas. He lay on the floor as George laughed an evil laugh...
Suddenly, the terrorists who attacked
earlier began an attack on GB HQ, just like the previous assaults on Maser
City, Roostville and Neo-Monster Island, crashing in and interrupting Gamingboy's
party celebrating the capture of Desu's killer! While Gamingboy's maser
cannons had been firing, Nightmare Gamera discovered the force field was
down. He threw Neo Destroyah behind him and charged onward. Super Godzilla
Fan walked by and saw that Nightmare Gamera was roaring in anger, shooting
fire balls in the air.
He said, "COOL!" and kept on walking.
Gamingboy wasn't paying much attention
to the terrorists ruining his party. All his thoughts were on the horrible
news that George Lucas was indeed his brother. Lucas held out his hand
to Gamingboy and Morgoth had a gun aimed at Lucas' chest in case he tried
anything funny. Varan called for reinforcements.
One of the terrorists shot George Lucas
in the back.
"THANK YOU!" the Mayor yelled but George
wasn't dead yet and convinced Gamingboy to come with him as he had two
tickets to the baseball game. They left together but had a ridiculously
hard time getting out because of the terrorists and Morgoth.
Meanwhile, the Roostville Mods, military
and allied forces from Monsterzeroville, Kong Town, Maser City and Neo-Monster
Island surrounded GB HQ and this time, no terrorists were getting away!
"Wait a second! You're not George Lucas....
George Lucas would be too old to be my brother... You're...
MICHAEL EISNER IN DISGUISE!" Gamingboy
quickly Gamingblasted Eisner to smithereens and joined the fight against
the terrorists.
At the Roostville Institution for the
Mentally Insane, GAMZILLA continued to chant, "It's not fair. It's not
fair. It's not fair..."
*****
Meanwhile, Doug and the Geekspawn continued
to fight Neo-Destoroyah and Nightmare Gamera. Whilst the tense stand off...err,
slaughter continued, Ubergeek and Irys, caught off balance by the Gamer's
beefed up (and very poorly-aimed) masers, stumbled to their feet. Optic
orb glowing hellishly, Irys noted Neo-Destoroyah and Nightmare Gamera beating
furiously on the force field surrounding Gamingboy's mansion. Apparently,
the insane power setting GB had dialed up was overloading the generators,
if the cloud of black smoke rising from a nearby shack was any indication.
Dashing through low level gaps in the
field's coverage, a legion of dark gray-clad shapes were unloading a sickening
amount of projectile firepower and taking same from the mansion's defenses.
The Geekspawn, armored hide smoking from half a dozen 'near-misses', perked
his ears...err, auditory ducts at an ominous humming noise, emanating from
somewhere over the horizon. The source of said noise quickly became apparent
as millions of insectile wings darkened the sky. Directed by the all-seeing
Eye of Sauron™, the Legion soldiers closed on their targets and Uber, profoundly
sick of this chaos, snarled. "Time to finish this."
I concur, saurian.
With that, vampiric entity and were-Goji
launched themselves at the exposed backs of their foes, closing rapidly
and silently for once. Neo-D, throwing itself against the barrier with
maniacal shrieks, never had a chance. Landing on its wide armored thorax,
Irys wrapped powerful tendrils about its remaining legs, lopped several
clean off with point blank beams of sonic energy, drove a wicked knee spur
into the crustacean's right eye as it turned and finished with both of
its murderous arm spines deep into a chink in Neo-D's armor. The crimson
nightmare, feeling its very life force seep away, reared up in a final
spasm, burbled a noxious spurt of chemical froth and collapsed, its armor
fading to a pale gray and flaking off the corpse.
Meanwhile, Ubergeek slammed into Nightmare
Gamera's upper rear carapace, putting 40,000 tons of force into one springing
kick. Thrown forward by the impact, the anti-Guardian bounced off Gamingboy's
Overcharged Energy Field© and hit the ground, spinning slowly to a
halt on his back. An enraged howl built up in the chelonian juggernaut's
throat but was abruptly choked off as Uber pounced atop NG, forced its
lethal forearms to either side in a firm talon-grip and locked toothy jaws
about the Eater of Children's throat.
The victorious Gyaos derivative, rising
from Neo-Destoroyah's remnants, noted the changeling's assault and the
agonized struggles of his victim with something like approval.
'Such savagery makes my kin look positively
tame.'
The Geek's own thoughts were a bloody
swirl of vengeful fury and predatory instinct, fueled by a friend's apparent
demise. His foe's ichor, now bubbling up about grinding fangs, only compounded
things, igniting a predatory urge to rip and tear until the other stopped
moving. From the corner of his eye, the now feral Geekspawn glimpsed an
approaching Irys and felt a surge of heat in his prey's windpipe as Nightmare
Gamera attempted to expel a fireball.
"Stay back, dammit! He's MINE!"
Redoubling his efforts to break free,
the Eater of Children bucked back and forth, which only prompted his attacker
to clamp down harder, stopping the ball of plasma in NG's windpipe. Wheezing
and gurgling horribly, NG expelled a foul cloud of smoke, followed by a
gout of arterial gore.
'Since you insist, Geekspawn. I'll just
see how much sport those terrorist fellows offer.' With that, Irys turned
towards the fray besieging Gamingboy's mansion, tentacles cocked and ready.
A solid carpet of Destoroyah aggregates split to either side, giving the
vampiric entity a wide berth as they moved into the fight.
Blackness creeping over his vision,
Nightmare Gamera shuddered, eyes rolling back in the dire tusked head and
played one final ace. Armored plates in the anti-Guardian's chest area
slid aside and the opening beneath lit up with a golden glow.
Feeling a terrible energy 'spike' in
the immediate vicinity, Ubergeek realized just what his foe was about to
do and reacted with a speed beyond any artifice of fear, determination
or any such human emotion. Rolling off NG, he came up with a stupendous
tail-swipe, putting the dark Guardian on its side and charged in, knocking
him onto his stomach. Uber sprang atop the beast once more, pressing its
terrible weapon into the dirt underfoot. Feeling the twisting of Earth's
energy snake through her own consciousness, Miki sprang up, unadulterated
terror crawling through her.
"No...."
Struck by a similar (if somewhat subdued)
sensation, the entire host of assassins, Roostafarians and Destoroyah/Legion
troops turned to gaze starkly upon impending doom.
Morgoth scowled. "Is the Geek doing
what I think he's doing...?"
'He's giving you a chance. I suggest
you seek shelter very shortly.'
Needing no further advice, forces of
Good and Evil© scrambled for cover within the radius of Gamingboy's
force field. Irys, surrounded by a cloud of Legion soldiers, rocketed off.
Atop an ominously vibrating Nightmare
Gamera, Ubergeek estimated just how much time he had left. The Mana Beam's
charge up time was supposed to cover roughly half a minute. As of now,
he had five seconds....4...3...2-
-and the world beneath and about him
exploded in an unholy yellow flare. Lifted and thrown skyward in a pillar
of eldritch fire, the Geek released a defiant (if unheard) roar before
vanishing in the blaze.
'Oh, congealed mandrill gonads,' muttered
the Evil Announcer Guy™ as the blast consumed his hidey-hole.
Destructive as the Count's Red Button®
had been, it was a firecracker compared to Nightmare Gamera's apocalyptic
demise. By and large, Monsterzeroville resembled Ground Zero of a certain
asteroid impact back in Cretaceous Nevada: impossibly wide, thick with
a choking haze and apparently empty of life.
By some incredible providence, the GamingMansion's
shield had held up under the explosion, though it did short out immediately
afterward, leaving the majority of its charges, good and evil alike, to
slowly regain their vision and bearings (and some to seek a change of undergarments).
"You don't suppose...?" began the Gamer.
Sheriff Varan scowled thoughtfully.
"Eh, of course he isn't dead. God knows he and the Count never stay gone
for more than a minute."
Indeed, tossed into a blitzed stadium
complex a full two miles from the Mana Burst®, a battered reptilian
form shuddered and shrank as it assumed human form once more and raised
a hand before its eyes as if unable to believe its continued existence.
Confirming that he was more/less functional, the Geekspawn rolled onto
his stomach and slowly propped himself into a standing position. After
swaying for a moment, he shook off a stubborn case of vertigo. A harsh,
if distant, noise assailed his inner ear: the distant fray was resuming.
For a moment, familiar faces yet again rose up in the Geek's mind: co-workers,
comrades and mate. For their sake, the struggle had to be carried to its
conclusion, whatever that may be.
Growling something about a "new line
of work" under his breath, the Spawn of Kenny trudged off, intent on rejoining
the fight. If Roostville's assailants had found a normal were-Goji bad
enough, they had yet to know the Hell of a were-Goji with a killer migraine.
Fortunately for the first living being
that happened across a disgruntled Ubergeek's path, said being was neither
unstable friend nor depraved foe. Instead, Doug Wood, resembling Death
warmed over, left in the freezer for a while, then warmed over again, greeted
the Geek with a painful looking wave. Apparently, he'd been neglected in
the rush to get under cover, then thankfully missed in the renewal of hostilities.
Hastening to scoop his semi-conscious comrade up, Uber scented a second
approaching friend and turned to scan the rubble to his right. Clothes
tattered and hair disheveled, Miki Saegusa limped around a former street
corner, sized up a gangly gaijin, Doug supported in the apparition's skinny
arms and launched into a skipping run, sobbing with relief. Uber, recalling
the apparent demise of Doug's Sentai alter-ego, was abruptly dumbstruck.
Didn't he...how?
Somehow picking up on his comrade's
confusion, Doug rasped a faint response. "Ultra 39...must've detached his
essence...the capsule...at the last moment. Don't know how he did it..."
"We can discuss this later. You need
rest."
"Your better half's quite right, my
man. Hmm...if this were a bad movie, someone would pull up in a nice big
tractor-trailer right about now..."
...and Raptor's massive Free-Commerce
Super-Rig©, its merry crew(?) intent on assisting survivors and a
fair bit of salvage, screeched to a stop scant feet from the trio.
"You folks need a lift?"
The Geek flashed a thumb (or thumbclaw)
up. "If you could find a decent hotel for my friends here, that'd be great.
I've got places to be, people to break."
"Don't you mean things?"
"You heard me."
Minutes later, the Raptor Rig™ was howling
off into the sunset, Uber's friends safely on board. Bidding them a fond
farewell, the Geekspawn made for the still distant war zone, renewed determination
radiating from his scrawny frame.
Meanwhile in Gamingboy's mansion:
The final terrorists were making a last
stand but outnumbered so their leader called a retreat. They made a big
mistake escaping through the secret passage as the Moderators and Military
were waiting for them on the outside. They were soon handcuffed and shipped
to the most High Tech High Security prison in Roostville.
And with that, Gamingboy made a speech.
"Alright! We've gotten all the terrorists.
We STILL haven't found out where those aliens that took over Morgoth came
from. We know that the DISNEY ORGANIZATION© wants to kill me. And
I've upgraded the force field so that it now goes underground. So... is
there any other crisis, other than rebuilding the whole country, that we
need to take care of? Can we start rebuilding? And yes, if SVAMP comes
up with anything, I'm sending the Dimension Tide at him. So... anything?
Anything at all?"
"Well, Mr. Gamingboy," the Sheriff began.
"The George Lucas Mafia (aka the Roostville Mob), Desutoroia's killer and
the terrorists have all either been killed or sent to prison. As for those
aliens, I don't think we'll be seeing them for a while. It's time we rebuild
our country and continue with the mayoral election." The Roostafarians
continued on with the party at GB HQ.
Later the next morning, Sheriff Varan
was at his office writing up his report on the Desutoroia murder case when
Raptor came in.
"What is it, Raptor?" Varan asked.
"It's Hellspawn, sir. He's escaped!"
THE END
|