KAIJU FREE-FOR-ALL!

A World-wide Kaiju Battle

INDEX

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Epilogue
CAST OF
CHARACTERS
Angillis 333
China
Gamingboy
Hekate
Lord Jimifulss
Kedzuel
Kiryu Goji
M-11
Melkor
Morgoth
Queen Ghidorah
Raptor
Sandworm Phish
Ubergeek

INTRODUCTION

Originally started April 23, 2003 by Kiryu Goji and taking place April 2008 in the Roostville Universe.
Chapter One: THE LINE-UP

"Ok, so my last Kaiju Karnage fight topic didn't go so well," Kiryu Goji admitted. "This time, I'm gonna have a REAL free-for-all!"

The participating Kaiju are:
  • From Japan: Godzilla (Heisei 2), Gamera (Heisei), Mothra Leo, Grand Ghidorah, Legion, Hyper Gyaos, Megaguirus, Rodan, Dagarah, Varan, Manda, Orga, SpaceGodzilla, Destroyah, all three MechaGodzillas; Mecha King Ghidorah, Anguirus, Fire Rodan, Biollante, Megalon and Gigan
  • From the U.S.A.: King Kong, Anaconda, Queen Alien, Rhedosaurus, Hydra (Disney), Leviathan (Disney), 1,000 THEM ants; Graboid, GINO, The Giant Claw, Giant Gila Monster, Lake Placid Crocodile, Gwangi and the Giant Scorpion
  • From Asia: Yongary (old and new) and Cyker
  • From Europe: Reptilicus and Gorgo
Rules:
The Arena will be Planet X, complete with cities to trash.
  • No shields allowed
  • No weapons that can kill an opponent in one blow are allowed
  • No using things from the arena as weapons
  • No picking up other Kaiju
  • If you run away from the arena, you are out
  • Any Kaiju can join up with any others but teams can only consist of five Kaiju at most.

"Now that it's set up, let the games begin!" Sandworm Phish thought some of the rules were just, well... DUMB.

"No shields allowed. No weapons that can kill an opponent in one blow. No using things from the arena as weapons. No picking up other Kaiju. These handicap pretty much all but the weakest Kaiju in the fight!" Ubergeek, the Spawn of Kenny, thought about it.

"Hmm... The 'no shields' and 'no Insta-Kill weapons' rules appeal to me greatly but no using foreign objects or other beasties. Any good free-for-all features that kind of stuff! Oh, yeah. Make sure the American entries have been popping some Strontium Steroids© because they're gonna need it. That said, let's see what we can do about divvying these horrors up."

  • Mechs/Cyborgs: Super MechaGodzilla, Mecha-Ghidorah and Kiryu MechaGodzilla
  • Alien Antagonists: MechaGodzilla I, Megalon, Gigan, Orga and Cyker
  • Ancient Antagonists: Hydra, Leviathan, Dagarah, Manda and Gwangi (well, he needed to go somewhere...)
  • Insects: Megaguirus, Legion, THEM!, Giant Scorpion and Graboids(?)
  • Bloodthirsty Killing Machines: Grand Ghidorah, Space Godzilla, Xenomorph Queen (a Daikaiju-sized Xeno. Scary thought!), Gyaos and Destroyah
  • Tall, Dark and Scaly: Godzilla, Anguirus, Rhedosaurus, Yongary (old school) and Gorgo
  • Guardians: Gamera, Mothra, Biollante, Yongary (CGI version) and Kong (he always struck me as the semi-benevolent type)
  • Big Gnarly Reptiles: Godzilla '98, Gila Monster, Reptilicus, Anaconda and Lake Placid Croc
  • Fliers: The Claw, Rodan and Fire Rodan; Varan (well, he 'glides'...)

"Now... Just how are these various 'groups' going to interact?"

  • Mechs and Cyborgs - Since we're well away from any metropolitan area, they'll likely hover on the battlefield's outskirts and pound on the Critters. Among other things, they'll want to stay away from Legion as that EM beam will slag electronics with one good shot.
  • Alien and Ancient Antagonists - They are likely to be in the thick of things and doing a fair amount of damage due to their numbers and fire power. Manda, being the only weak link in this bunch, would do well to seek out a Critter or two to wrestle with, say Reptilicus or GINO.
  • Insects - Will probably seek out the wounded and swarm it (especially Meggy) or defend whatever base they may try to establish, especially THEM and Legion. If Legion has enough time to tend a Flower, everything else is in trouble.
  • Killers - Well... killing or toying with inferior opponents. Spilling ichor by the lake-full. You get the idea. They are most likely to brush up against the Guardians and probably G or Ang.
  • Scalies - Again, in the thick of things as most of them are too ornery to back down from a fight. I can see G and Ang tag-teaming Ghidorah, Legion, etc.
  • Guardians - Most likely to back up the Mechs and bash heads with the Killers. They will probably leave the Critters and Insects to their own devices, save for Legion and that Flower.
  • Reptiles - Probably prowling the arena's outskirts, picking off the wounded/weak. I can just imagine the Gila Monster gobbling down THEM! like popcorn! Inasmuch as none of 'em are terribly brainy, they're most likely to turn on one another. Same for the Insects and Killers.
  • Fliers - Now THEY will size up the situation and pick off easy meals from the outskirts. The Claw will probably be a bit disoriented without the Shield protecting him. Varan, for his part, had better avoid any unduly pyrotechnic foes as he's filled with friggin' helium...

"As for just who/what survives... Hmm... Mr. Phish has a point. 'Twere it me, I'd implement the following:

  • Tone down Legion's EM beam a tick so it doesn't splatter foes with one shot.
  • Leave the shields but limit the amount of time they can be kept up or raised/lowered, especially in the Claw's case.
  • Give all the under-sized beasties a dose of uranium or hit 'em with a Growth Ray.
  • Perhaps, take some of the juice out of Des' horn and Irys' sonic lasers so they still cut but don't quite lop limbs/heads off.
  • Replace the helium in Varan's system with something plausible so he doesn't explode with one shot of a heat beam.
  • Lower the regen rates for Godzilla. Reptilicus, for his part, takes long enough to heal as it is.
  • Do away with SG's telekinesis. The shield and Corona Beam are enough.
  • Limit Mothra's access to his/her various Uber Forms.
  • Wussify the Xenomorph acid so it burns but doesn't melt things.

"That said, anyone find the thought of a Xenomorphed Godzilla or Ghidorah disturbing?" Sandworm had further concerns.

"Thing is, that no Insta-Kill rule takes away most every Kaiju's arsenal since some of the creatures present (like the Lake Placid Croc or THEM! ants) will get gooshed by a single hit from any of the full-sized Kaiju. As for replacing the helium in Varan's system: a minor nitpick. It's HYDROGEN! Helium doesn't explode like that."

"Thanks, Ubergeek!" Kiryu beamed. "Why don't we change the rules then to 'You can use objects and other players as part of the fight'?" Uber agreed.

"Righty, then. Just for the heck of it, let's see how I do writing from the perspective of an individual monster/'group'. Now let the games begin!"

Chapter Two: THE BLOODBATH BEGINS!
Planet X, April 24, 2008, 12:19 EST

Skulking in the vast shadows of a lunar crater, five monstrous reptiles considered one another, as well as the enemies that even now were locked in combat. GINO, a hideously mutated marine iguana, crouched with narrowed eyes, scanning the battling titans for a 'safe' opponent and found one: another large reptile, sporting a row of pike-like dorsal spines, being forced to the outskirts by a flurry of stray energy blasts.

As the beast raised an arm to slap away several large black insects, wing-like membranes could be seen. Satisfied that 'he' could handle this animal, the lizard tore into the dirt underfoot with powerful talons and quickly disappeared, burrowing in the direction of Varan the Unbelievable.

The Giant Gila Monster, furtively backing away from his fellow reptiles with vitriolic defensive hisses, noticed the tunnel left by GINO and considered following the iguana. Abruptly, the decision was made for him as several snakelike creatures erupted nearby, ensnaring his forefeet in powerful jaws. The tendrils' owner quickly became evident as a horrendous mandibled visage burst from the ground and commenced reeling its captive in for the kill. Having none of this, the Gila Monster seized one 'tongue' in its venomous jaws and shook its head furiously. Its owner wailed shrilly and released its grip. With an ominous rumble, the Graboid pressed the assault, retracting back into the ground and hauling the Gila Monster with it.

As the Anaconda slithered in his direction, Reptilicus spread his wings and took to the air, intent on a little 'breathing' room to survey things before plunging in. Even as the ancient horror rose, a fellow abomination followed his flight path and plotted an intercept course. Massive talons struck out, locking about Reptilicus' midsection and taking both out of the sky. The serpentine creature, less injured than aggravated by this unexpected assault, quickly entwined himself about the Giant Claw which, unaccustomed to the absence of its anti-matter shield, was reduced to physical combat as the pair writhed and plunged about.

Boldly slithering into the thick of things, the Anaconda found a suitably non-spiky prey item and struck with deceptive speed, locking its sinewy coils about Gorgo. Her enraged roar reduced to a hacking cough by the pressure of her attacker's body, the web-eared theropod did manage to tear an arm free and quickly established a crushing grip behind the snake's wedge-shaped head.

Skirting the fray, a massive bull crocodile was halted by a barking challenge-roar. Pivoting, he spied a bristling mass of horn and spine bounding his way. Lashing his great tail and with gaping jaws, he hissed his own challenge and tumbled, locking teeth about his enemy's right paw as the saurians clashed.


In low orbit, a disk-shaped Xian command craft surveyed the chaos below. Its captain cast an inquisitive eye about the various monitors, analyzing the statistics of each monster.

"Yes... that's right. Winnow out the weak. Dispose of those annoying Terran machines and we shall have a killing force that nothing can stop."

(Cue melodramatic villainous laugh)


Outside the arena, thousands of Xians watched the various Kaiju.

The Controller yelled, "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" Teams charged at one another. The Tall, Dark and Scaries headed for the Big Gnarly Reptiles. Flyers attacked Guardians. The bloodthirsty killing machines attacked the Insects. Alien attacked Ancient and the Mechas/Cyborgs attacked everyone.

Chapter Three: MECHANICAL MAYHEM
As Hell-on-Earth... err, Planet X... erupted about them, three heavily-armed Terran Mechs contemplated the situation. Aboard Mecha-Ghidorah, Emi and M-11, frantically attempting to reverse engineer the Time/Space Portal that had brought them there in the first place, were rudely interrupted by a spray of gravitic firepower from above. Sparks erupted from new rents in its wings and torso armor and the cyborg's bio-heads warbled agony before orienting on their tormentor.

Grand Ghidorah, sickened by this artificial mockery of his glorious visage, howled an ungodly war cry and plunged from above, driving Mecha-Ghidorah off its feet and deep into the soft Xian surface. The cyborg, reverting to instinctive self-defense patterns, struck back frantically and the tricephalic terrors clashed in a blur of beating wings and snapping fangs.

Not far away, Super MechaGodzilla's crew noted the plight of Mecha-Ghidorah and turned their machine to intervene, only to realize their own problems as Dagarah plopped to the ground in front of the silvery titan, croaked its challenge and commenced a salvo of mystical firepower. Eldritch beams danced over the robot's diamond alloy armor, accompanied by sprays of starfish. Unbeknownst to SMG's crew, these were the life-sapping Berem®; not that their terrible powers were of any use here. Unable to drain the essence of a machine, the Berem clung ineffectually for several seconds and were unceremoniously burned out of existence as MechaGodzilla unleashed the Plasma Grenade, blasting Dagarah into Grand Ghidorah and lending Mecha-Ghidorah the 'breather' its crew needed.

At the other end of the battlefield, a steel dragon descendant of a Monster King faced off with yet another creature sporting a touch of Godzilla. Bellowing an undulating challenge, Orga charged its shoulder-mounted vibration cannon, fired and got a shock as Kiryu MechaGodzilla launched into the air, soared over the blast and planted a Size 430 foot square in the alien shape shifter's toothy face. Thrown onto its hunched back, Orga was promptly ravaged with a fusillade of Full Metal Missiles, Maser Cannons and Depleted Uranium Beams, converting its rubbery flesh into a pockmarked, smoking mass as the battle raged on.

"Man, Ubergeek! This is the best seat in the house! DOWN!" yelled Angillis, who, along with Kiryu Goji, Ubergeek, Lord Jimi, Melkor, China, Hekate, Raptor, Kedzuel and Queen Ghidorah were watching the fight when a plasma beam came straight at them.

"Um, where did Angillis get off to?" asked Kiryu a while later.

"Hey! Isn't that him in the Super X III with Kill all GINOs! and The GINO Hunter! on the side?"

Chapter Four: XIAN REPRISAL
Several hundred miles above the arena, Xian sensors noted the appearance of the Terran attack craft with dismay.

"Scramble interceptors. We can't have those Earthling scum spoiling our test." Within seconds, a dozen saucer-shaped attack craft were screaming toward the Super X.

Below, Ubergeek and his companions, aboard a cloak-shielded SY-3, groaned as Angillis' anti-GINO rampage commenced. Luckily, the reptile in question had burrowed out of sight, leaving Ang to froth insanely and blast away at random.

"Geek, what are we doing here again and where the hell did that loon get a freaking attack aircraft?" Melkor asked.

"Well, we were here to covertly observe whatever plot the Xians have cooking and to answer your second question, I have absolutely no clue. I don't even wanna know how he's flying it," Uber replied.

Pulling out of a way-too-steep inverted attack dive, Angillis 'grazed' the rim of a massive crater, lopping off half of the Super X III's vertical stabilizers.

"Perhaps 'flying' is too strong a word," Raptor figured. Several mumbled assent as the Xian interceptors weighed in, raking the anti-Godzilla machine with laser cannons which had no effect on its advance.

The Xian commander snapped off a terse order. "Fools! That armor is designed to stop atomic beams. Use your missiles!" Quickly complying, the saucers unleashed a fusillade of said projectiles. Angillis, cursing at this interruption of his hunt, attempted to swing the Super X III about and engage, only to take half a dozen missiles in the craft's right wing, blasting away said structure and sending him spiraling out of control. The crash occurred at the precise spot where Varan and GINO were battling furiously. The resulting pyrotechnics gave the mutated iguana a thorough mangling and ignited Varan's hydrogen-based circulatory system. An even more grotesque explosion followed, splattering bits of the reptilian flying squirrel across a good 80% of the battlefield, as well as the tangled remains of GINO and the Super X III. Melkor and company winced as a patch of hide smacked into their view port and slowly slid out of sight.

"Well, the freak killed GINO."

"With prejudice."

Several saucers touched down at the outskirts of the wreckage as a radiation suit-clad figure stumbled from the flames and turned to stare at the iguana's charred remains. He commenced a crazed victory jig which only ended when a Xian soldier clocked Angillis upside the head with his rifle. The deranged Roostafarian was then carted off for inquisition.

"Uh... shouldn't we help him?"

"Maybe later." Soon, Angillis came running across the arena with a rocket launcher, blasting everything in sight.

"I give him five minutes before he realizes that he is floating in mid-air," said Kiryu. But before the time was up, one very large foot came down on top of the insane one.

"Well, at least we can rest easy without having to worry he will blow US up," Raptor figured, looking at the positive side.

"Hi, guys!" yelled Angillis.

"....WTF?! WE JUST SAW YOU GET SQUISHED!!! HOW DID YOU SURVIVE?!" everyone yelled at once.

"Um... er... plot hole?"

Chapter Five: REALITY CHECK
Alas, the above scenario was but a figment of poor Angillis' dreams as he slept off a thorough neural 'cavity search' aboard the Xian command ship. Nobody had remembered to bring the rocket launchers in the first place. Outside, the battle continued.

"Um sir, we couldn't find anything..." reported a technician.

"What do you mean, you could not find anything in his head? Everything has a brain!" yelled their leader.

"Well... not this thing."


MechaKing Ghidorah had been taken over by El Grand Ghidorah and was destroying MechaGodzilla II.

"Think we should intervene?"

"Nah. I say we give em' a couple of minutes."

Chapter Six: THE GUARDIANS' GAMBIT
Fortunately, help was on the way for the beleaguered Earthlings. Picking their way through the chaos, a close-knit group of Guardian beasts, having chosen to pool their abilities early in the fight, now sought to lend a helping hand or appendage. Cackling with glee as he directed his cyborg counterpart against Super MG, Grand Ghidorah was blind-sided as a salvo of concussive fire balls blasted him off his feet. Emitting ungodly shrieks of rage, the golden dragon rolled onto his back just in time to note an infuriatingly familiar winged shape as it settled into position above him. A split second later, Ghidorah fought against a crushing pillar of yellow light as Mothra attempted to pin him in place with a Holy Seal®. Breaking free with a surge of fury, Grand Ghidorah raked his nemesis with electric and gravitic firepower, reveling in the Moth's squeal of pain as it spun from the air, only to be rudely interrupted as a mountain of scale and plant matter erupted from the ground beneath him. Pitched onto his three faces, Ghidorah cackled in shock as a phalanx of toothy vines wrapped about his form, locking necks in place, constricting his torso and puncturing his wings. One vine, positioned in front of Ghidorah's left head, opened Venus flytrap jaws and sprayed the golden muzzle with acidic saliva, then pulled away from a blind fusillade of gravity bolts. Taking advantage of Biollante's binding job, King Kong knuckled up to the dragon, grasped the outer heads in his mighty fists and commenced to pump electricity into Grand Ghidorah's body. An ungodly warble of distress, punctuated by disturbing spasms, indicated that the destroyer of worlds was not enjoying the experience.

Meanwhile, Mothra had employed the breather to gather his energies as he could only access this form for a short time and it might as well be used to best effect. Willing the change to begin, he chirped a command to Biollante and Kong who promptly released their respective grips and moved away. Free to wreak vengeance upon these insolent abominations, Grand Ghidorah's heads snarled as the dragon staggered up and gazed upon their adversary. In a silvery blur, Armor Mothra collided with his nemesis and passed through him, reverting to standard form as Grand Ghidorah flew apart, scattering shards of his being across the battlefield.


High above, the Xian commander growled as an exhausted Mothra fluttered off to rest.

"Cursed bug! That Ghidorah would have served our purposes ideally. Oh, well." The enraged Xian continued cursing the temporary slowdown of his plot for world domination. His ship was practically ripped apart by his inane babbles, which, by chance, just happened to be very short.

"Come in here at once!" yelled the frustrated leader. The G.R.R. entered, an ancient robot probably picked off a trash heap. What his name meant, only the Xian commander knew.

"Thou callest, my lord?" replied G.R.R. in the most monotonous voice ever. Still, one couldn't help thinking that it had a rather British-sounding accent.

"Prepare for Phase Two!" the commander cackled with glee as the robot trembled in fear.

"As you wish, my lord." With a wave of his hand, the Xian (whose name was Simon in Earth language), dismissed his servant and rotated his comfy leather chair so that he was facing the Earth. Like a true aspiring alien, Simon tucked both arms under his chin and stared 'contemplatively' into the Void.


Below, Melkor and company waited as if the alien attack was already a compulsory cliché. He and his fellow Roostafarians were already getting bored awaiting the Xians' next move. Melkor yawned and stretched his arms high into the air.

"I'm bored. How's about a game of strip poker?" Luckily, instead of a punch to the nose, all he got were cries of joy as he took a deck of cards from his pocket. Lady Luck was apparently not with him as after thirty minutes, he was already down to his pants.

Suddenly, a great shriek filled the air. Ubergeek, angry at who/whatever had disrupted their game, took a glance to the left and noted the dread Bagan hath descended! A stunned and somewhat constipated look impressed his face as he remained glued to the spot. His mouth parted as if to scream but no sound escaped. Melkor quickly rushed to his side, annoyed at the Geek's lack of attention to the game. He was quickly taken aback by the appalling expression on his face. Without a second thought, Melkor clenched his right fist and landed a punch right smack on his petrified companion's cheek; a gesture that Ubergeek did not appreciate too well.

"What was that for?!"

"You fell asleep. I didn't know you were narcoleptic."

"I'm not asleep. I'm petrified!"

"And the difference? Well, you seemed like you had the wind knocked out of you."

"Cut the crap, Melkor! Bagan's gonna kill us all!!!" And with that, the Geekspawn pointed a finger at the bellowing demon dragon whose eyes were now fixated upon the duo. Melkor felt the same cold shiver run down his spine.

"Put a shirt on, Melkor. If you haven't noticed, it's the cold that's creeping you out."

"Oh. But why didn't we hear Bagan?"

"Beats the crap outta me, too." Moments later, an angry legion of disrupted poker players rushed to their side. Raptor was first to speak, wanting to resume the game. Their casual conversation was oblivious to Bagan's presence.


Meanwhile, the dragon was getting bored. In a few strides, he came to their rocky outcropping, letting his titular figure block out the sun. Angillis was the first to look up and crumbled to the floor.

"Hey, Ang! How did you escape?" asked China.

"Can't talk... " He then fainted.

"Um, okay. Well, now! Back to the game?" asked Melkor.

Chapter Seven: BAGAN
The Roostafarians resumed their card playing, all too aware that Death hovered mere yards away. Sensing pitiful life energies of mortal beings under his very nose yet unable to pinpoint their exact location due to the cloak, Bagan snorted his disgust and whirled about, his bladed tail gouging out a strip of rock mere feet from the SY-3 as he surveyed the melee before him. The demon would bathe in the blood of his assembled foes and return to hunt down these gnats later.

At the card game, Uber was fortunately skilled enough to avoid shedding anything beyond footwear and his ever-present jacket. He reciprocated Melkor's punch with a kick under the table which landed a bit too precisely as the Tolkien otaku, down to boxers, toppled whimpering and clutched his nether regions. Angillis, now barely conscious, quickly lost what little headway he'd retained and was hauled off to sick bay before any further visual pollution was suffered.

On the battlefield, Bagan was making his presence felt. Mothra Leo, his defenses down after the energy expenditure of demolishing Grand Ghidorah, was the first to fall. Twin scythes of golden energy erupted from the demon's clawed hands, hitting him from behind and cleanly lopping the Guardian's wings off near the base. Spewing ichor from the stumps, Mothra screamed piteously as he dropped like a gore-splattered comet and Bagan, never one to miss an opportunity for carnage, intercepted the Moth with a gout of hellfire, setting the fuzz-covered insect ablaze. Reaching the ground, Mothra hit with a stomach-turning splat and screamed no more. Releasing a dark chuckle, Bagan spasmed with rapture as the Guardian's soul was pulled into his core. Roaring exultantly, he spread vast flaming wings, daring the remaining Guardians to try their luck.

Snarling his rage, Yongary was first to meet the challenge, darting at his massive foe with deceptive speed. Nimbly leaping aside as Bagan unleashed an electric blast, the Korean reptile shot back with a trio of fire balls, scoring on the dragon's left breast, thigh and face. Smoke rising from blackened impact points on his granite armor, Bagan grunted, more annoyed than injured and lunged in, shockingly light on his feet for such a bulky brute. A brutal right talon uppercut snapped Yongary's head back, followed by several slashes across the gut, then a devastating sweep of Bagan's whip-like tail buried its bladed tip in the Reptilian's rib cage, lifting him off his feet. Once again, the Guardians were treated to the shrieks of their own as Yongary rolled away, clutching a horrendous gash down his right side. Coming to a split-second decision, the remaining three attacked as one. Prepared for the assault, Bagan whirled, slicing away Biollante's first phalanx of vines with tail and slasher disks alike; knocked Gamera off his feet with a stupendous shoulder block and felt a vice-like grip lock about his tail before Kong heaved, swinging the demon above mighty shoulders before slamming him against the Xian surface. After several such punishing blows, a semi-conscious Bagan retaliated instinctively, seeking to overload his attacker with bio-electric energy which only gave the great ape a much-appreciated power boost as he whipped the demon about with renewed fervor. Finally, Kong released his grip, sending Bagan flying into the thick of battle and straight into a knot of saurian gladiators who were fighting back-to-back.

A chaotic, howling knot of scale, talon and fang writhed for a good two minutes before breaking apart in a pulse of atomic energy. Gorgo, jaws locked about the Anaconda's windpipe, reeled with the shock and released her grip as she felt the reptile's coils give one final spasm before going limp.

Having sent the crocodilian challenger packing with a pronounced limp, Anguirus rolled to his feet, shook his horn-crowned head and loosed a raucous bark as he sized up this latest development. Bagan, nursing a titanic migraine, looked up through a blood-red haze, only to find the eyes of a Monster King glaring right back. A huge tail whipped forward, smacking loose an entire row of teeth from Bagan's upper jaw as Godzilla was on him, a bestial blur of stomping feet, slashing claws and ripping fangs.


Back at the poker game, the Roostafarians noted a jet of blood, traveling a nearly flat trajectory as it hit the SY-3's view port, bathing the outside view in thick, surreal crimson.

"Whoa... This thing have windshield wipers?" Nobody dignified that with an answer. Fortunately for Bagan, his near infinite source of power lent him the upper hand. A wicked, twisted mockery of a smile spread across his face. In a blink of an eye, the battlefield was bathed in a wash of ungodly, spectral light, temporarily blinding the attacking Kaiju for a significant amount of time. Kong writhed in fury as his eyesight (his key to victory) was taken from him. But that was not the only thing that was denied him. In an instant, a loud BANG! echoed across the now black sky, completely dulling the hearing senses of his enemies. Bagan growled before decimating the entire area and those unfortunate enough to be in a twenty mile radius with a tremendous explosion.

Luckily for the Roostafarians, the SY-3 had taken off mere moments before or they would have been crushed into nothingness. Ubergeek stared at the huge mushroom cloud that ensued from the aftermath of Bagan's attack. A dread chill overcame him, bringing with it the countless thoughts and possibilities of the monsters' fates.

His somewhat more somber than usual thoughts were interrupted by the cacophonous screaming of the poker players who seemed utterly oblivious to what had just happened. He sighed and continued with his soberness, although that quickly changed as he pulled a can of Dr. Pepper from his jacket pocket, emptying the entire contents in mere seconds.

Below, a newly regenerated and healed Bagan bellowed at the now seemingly empty battlefield, his challenge unanswered. The demon dragon strode forward until he noticed something resembling charred flesh beneath his taloned foot. A sadistic cackle escaped his maw as the burned mass turned out to be King Kong. Numerous thoughts that would have rivaled even the most hardened Cenobites in sheer brutality and sadism rushed through his mind. The attacker would pay dearly.


Kong stirred, pain still rocking his newly restored consciousness. His senses dictated that he open his eyes. A shrill shriek soon filled the sky as a clawed fist hit his chest, crushing lungs and ribs at the same time. With a final sadistic laugh, Bagan tore out his prize: the still beating heart of the monster ape which the demon dragon soon took extreme delight in crushing with his fist. A final sweep from the beast's bladed tail separated the ape's head from his neck. Bagan roared again and proceeded to rip Kong's spinal cord from the charred mass of flesh.
Chapter Eight: COUNTER-ATTACK
As one, the poker playing Roostafarians winced as Kong's demise was brought to them via the wonders of 38 inch Sony view screens.

"Damn, that Bagan's touchy. Can't take a little pounding without ripping someone's heart out," observed Lord Jimifulss. As one, the players cheered as three reptilian terrors, erupting from the debris now covering the battlefield, slammed into a surprised Bagan. Gamingboy and Kedzuel, the most determined (and clothed) players, tried very hard to concentrate on their cards and ignore the revolting specter of a shirtless Ubergeek. Said Geekspawn threw down his cards with an oath.

"Screw this! We've got bigger fish to fry. For one thing, how the heck did those Xian pricks get hold of Bagan? I thought we got rid of that talisman you need to revive him. What was it called again?"

"Heart of the Dragon," Melkor replied around a mouthful of Doritos©.

"Right. And on top of that, we shipped Bagan off to some time just after the Big Bang! (See WHEN THE DUST SETTLED) Is there any logical way he could've survived that long?"

"Um... When was the last time logic had anything to do with what happens around here?" queried Raptor with a Leonard Nimoyesque lift of the eyebrow.

"Good point... Anyhoo, new plan..."

"Aww... Why are you always the plan making guy?" whined Kiryu G. Uber ground his teeth.

"Will you loonies at least hear me out? Then YOU can plan. I was thinking we'd pay the Xians a little 'visit' and see if they've got the Heart and alert the U.N.K.C.C. If we can't defuse this hullabaloo, they'll need to be prepared."

"That sounds good. Hey... What happened to the U.N.G.C.C.?" The Geekspawn made a valiant attempt to keep his expression neutral.

"They changed the 'G' to a 'K' when it was determined that there were more monsters to worry about than just Godzilla. Any other questions?"

"Yeah. What kind of fool actually spends time building those stupid ship-in-a-bottles?"

"Any relevant questions? Then let's haul ass... and get ready to kick some." With that, clothes were quickly thrown on, weapons locked and loaded and the SY-3 swung about, making a beeline for the Xian fleet.


Meanwhile, Bagan had found a new Hell-on-Earth as the legion of monsters turned their wrath upon this common threat. In the span of 2.1 seconds, the demon dragon was ravaged with two dozen separate 'beam' attacks, nearly flayed of his entire upper epidermis by raking teeth, claws and other, stranger appendages; showered with several acidic compounds that seared his orifices; swarmed by the combined forces of THEM! and the Legion soldiers and finally toppled as the Graboid's tendrils wrapped about his legs and tail, pulling the mangled destroyer into the ground. For all his power, Bagan had truly picked the wrong party to crash and while even this assembly of horrors might not finish him off, they could certainly detain him for a while.

Literally, legions of angry Kaiju poured their wrath upon him, annoying the demon to no end. Bagan roared as a stray lance of pure energy seared into his hide, turning it into smoking pools of molten slag. Innards were cooked and flesh ruptured. Bagan looked up and noticed the lone figure of the demonic GMK Godzilla, a beast whose brutality matched his own. Enraged, Bagan sent a thundering stream of Hellfire crashing squarely upon the devil Godzilla's chest, knocking him more than a kilometer away. A surge of energy raced along Bagan and in a split second, another explosion ensued, obliterating swarms of smaller Kaiju into nothingness.

The carnage halted and the dust finally cleared away. On the battlefield were left only a few good Kaiju; nothing more than useless vegetables after a consecutive barrage of Bagan's explosions. Still pulsating with ungodly energy, he strode forward, determined to kill whatever remained. The demon dragon cackled an enormous bellow, laughing at the others' pitiful efforts.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a blast of mystical energy slammed upon his back, knocking him to the ground. Bagan cocked his head sideways, enraged. A shrill shriek shook his ears as the descending form of Armored Mothra manifested itself. Bagan looked up and glared at his opponent. From the eyes of the Uber Mothra came a great lance of energy, hitting Bagan just above the eyes. A smoking wound became visible, gallons of acidic ichor dripping from it. In no time, the damage was repaired, sending a shock up Mothra's spine. For a split second, the Moth was petrified until a maelstrom of electric energy ruptured its frail form. Mothra fell to the ground as the ongoing barrage cooked his innards. Bagan watched as his opponent was bathed in a yellow glow, a delight he seemed to enjoy.

Tired of savagely killing his enemy, he let escape a blast of pure Hellfire crashing into the armored form. Mothra shrieked in pain as the telekinetic electric barrage held him in place, making him an easy target for the demon dragon's attack. Bagan cackled sadistically at Mothra's now practically dead form. With a final bellow, Bagan brought his bladed tail crashing upon the insect, cutting him in two. The upper half descended to the ground, which Bagan stomped until only a pulpy mass of ruptured, cooked flesh remained, bathing in its own blood. Bagan then turned around and noticed the lower half that remained. The demon dragon picked it up and adjusting his jaws, thrust the remnants into his mouth. Snorting, Bagan took to the air upon finishing a highly delightful meal.

A semi-nauseous crew of Roostafarians barfed up their lunch after seeing the depravity of Bagan on the view screens. Ubergeek turned, lurched for a moment and regurgitated a whole pack of Doritos which he had so gleefully snatched from Melkor. The crew was sickened as the image of Bagan eating the lower half of the butchered Mothra haunted their minds. The SY-3 was plagued by an epidemic of stench, acid and chewed up food. Finally, Ubergeek rose from his prostrate position to gaze at the soulless orbs of the demon staring back at him from the screen. The Geekspawn clenched his fists and made a silent promise to himself.


Below, the lone figure surveyed the area, desperately seeking more foes to satisfy his appetite. Bagan roared at the sky but his challenge was unanswered. A stream of Hellfire escaped his toothed maw, burning scattered debris, rocks, stone and the maimed bodies of Kaiju into oblivion. Seventy times did Bagan roar his rage upon the cold, dead sky and seventy times did it go unanswered.

A faint growl dared to answer the demon god's own, exciting Bagan into a bloodthirsty frenzy. From beneath thousands of tons of stone and detritus, the massive hulking figure of the GMK Godzilla emerged, its eyes blazing with the same fury as Bagan's. Towering at over one hundred and fifty meters and equipped with the destructive death ray sufficient to level entire cities, the GMK Goji was indeed a mighty foe to behold. Bagan looked at his opponent and let loose an earth-shattering shriek but compared to Godzilla's bellow, his roar was nothing more than a whimpering cry of desperation from a helpless rat. Godzilla curled his lip, exposing several rows of razor sharp teeth. His face twisted into a grim mockery of a smile and upon hearing the outraged cry of the demon dragon, let loose a stream of utter nihilistic energy heading straight for him.

Chapter Nine: THE SY-3
Bagan, croaking out a wretched mockery of a challenge as his vocal chords fought to repair themselves, stared at the advancing Spirit Godzilla® like a deer in the path of an 18-wheeler. In the saurian juggernaut's wake, monster after monster, far from done in by even this terror's hellish salvos, rose and alternately snarled, screamed or hissed as they moved in.
Aboard the SY-3, Melkor and company had no time to contemplate just how the Monster King had tapped into such a spectral reserve, inasmuch as they were intent on a little 'breaking and entering' action against the Xian fleet. The 'breaking' portion went off well enough as the UN spacecraft uncloaked mere miles from the flagship and unleashed a barrage of AIM-121 AAFMMs (Anti-Aircraft Full Metal Missiles), easily puncturing the great saucer's deflector shields and slagging its engines. That accomplished, a concentrated application of the SY-3's uranium-derived Cutting Beam opened a way into what was hopefully the craft's cargo hold which was quickly and frantically linked to the ship via an airlock. Dogpiling into a single escape pod, the Roostafarians evacuated their soon-to-be-defunct ship, discharging said pod directly into the crater marring the Xian craft's surface.

In a Dramatic Cinematic Effect, the fire ball spreading from the SY-3's pyrotechnic demise nearly engulfed the pod before contact was made, which left several dozen mentally-deficient 'heroes' to seek directions from an astonished security guard.

Chapter Ten: CUT!
They traversed miles of corridor and somehow avoided meaningful injury from the Xian flagship's automated defenses and incompetent guards.

"What are these guys... Stormtrooopers-in-training?" observed Sandworm Phish. The intrepid band was abruptly halted by a familiar booming roar over the ship's PA system.

"ALL RIGHT, YOU MUCKERS! THAT'S ENOUGH PROMO FOOTAGE FOR NOW. ACTUAL FILMING FOR 'ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE' STARTS TOMORROW AT 5:35 SHARP. BE THERE OR WE REPO YOUR SOULS! DIRECTOR MORGOTH OUT." Adventurous Roostafarians and the assembly of monsters groaned as one.

"ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE?? What kind of crap movie title is that?!" fumed Melkor.

"I don't know. Mayhap the title of a crap movie?" quipped Ubergeek.

"Hey! I came up with that title!" protested Gamingboy.


"So THAT'S what that Mayor chap hired us for: warming up the actors," mused a Xian captain. He stroked a thick roll of Spanish doubloons (ca. 1686). "Well, at least we were amply compensated..."


On the 'Planet X' surface, Bagan and his 'enemies' disentangled themselves.

"Thanks for the workout, boys," grunted a battered demon dragon. Godzilla responded with a high five while his comrades simply grunted assent as they trundled off to lick their wounds.


Epilogue
With that, FX crews began dismantling the stages, cameras were locked down and Roostville's Film and Media Department began closing up shop for the day.
TO BE CONTINUED IN ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE, BEHIND THE SCENES OF 'ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE, SON OF 'ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE, ETC.

NOTE: This tale is basically considered the 'auditions' for ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE, the first one to chronicle Roostville's rather colorful and exciting "history".


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