ROOSTAFARIANS IN HYRULE

Originally started July 29, 2003 by Desutoroia and taking place July 2008 in the Roostville Universe. Roostafarians appear on a reality TV show, ROOSTVILLE SURVIVOR, hosted by Lord Desutoroia Khandejifer.

This week's contestants are called on to take part in one of the wackiest reality TV shows in Roostville. They are:

• Gamingboy
• Queen Ghidorah
• Sheriff Varan
• Count Super Jet Jaguar
• Andross
• D.B. Zelda
• Evil Genius Man
• Super Godzilla Fan
• Ubergeek, Spawn of Kenny
• Doug Wood
• Sauron

"Okay," Desutoroia explained. "Your mission is to survive without help from the other villagers for two months in the Land of Hyrule. Remember to watch out for Moblins, Stalfos Knights, Tektites, Octoroks, Leevers, Peahats, Armos Knights, Ghinis, Zolas (also known as Zoras), Lynel, Ropes, Wall Masters, Goriyas, Dairas, Ironknuckles, Moas, Wizzrobes, Lanmolas, Gibdos, Lizalfos, Dodongos, Manhandlas, Gleeoks, Digdoggers, Gohmas and a ba-zillion other monsters and critters." And so, our heroes left to begin their adventure in the Land of Hyrule. The only thing Desutoroia forgot to warn them about was that Gannon, the Prince of Darkness, lurked inside his castle in Death Mountain and possessed the Triforce of Power.

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NOTE: Dodongo, Manhandla, Gleeok, Digdogger and Gohma are dungeon bosses and do not appear outside of the dungeons.

---

Desutoroia moaned. He had forgotten about Catbert, who possessed mutants that would kick the snuff out of Sauron (LOTR Sauron, NOT the Roostville one) and make him a snuggler for mice. Of course, the big bad Nightcratwler... Nightcatler - WHATEVER the black fuzzy German guy was... would teleport in and pull practical jokes. Once, they dressed Destroyah and Godzilla in dresses.

"Look out for fuzzy German dudes and cats," he advised everyone.

In the Kingdom of Hyrule, Link Harkanian, the Hero of Time, was in his room at Princess Zelda's castle, practicing with his magical sword (as usual). The Essence of the Triforce of Wisdom was speaking to him in riddles. Link had no idea what the Essence was talking about but he knew it couldn't be too good. Meanwhile, our heroes from Roostville had just arrived in town and this was each contestants' final chance to back out.

"Well, I will not back out! Am I allowed to bring a sword and some duct tape?" asked Count Super Jet Jaguar.

"Uh, yeah. Also, to make sure you all don't cheat, you will be followed by the cambots," said someone not important to the story.

"No," Desutoroia declared. "No duct tape and no sword! You want a sword? Then you are going to have to work for one. Any one of you who has played A LINK TO THE PAST will know how to pull the Master Sword from its altar in the Lost Woods." SJJ handed his sword and duct tape to the guy who was not important to the story.

"I can't do this," declared Doug Wood. "I am not very familiar with the Zelda Universe. I'm sorry but I have to back out of this one." So Doug left with Desutoroia and the non-contestants to return to Roostville. Super Jet Jaguar pulled out his Red Button but a portal opened up and Desu's hand reached out and grabbed it, along with his backpack.

"Sorry, Count, that's cheating."

"DAMN!" Desutoroia happily went back to Roostville.

The evil pig-faced wizard, Gannon, sat on his throne in the Underworld. Through his crystal ball he saw everything and learned about the coming of the Roostvillers. He soon began to form an evil plan and teleported to the main chamber of the Underworld where he kept the Evil Jar and the Triforce of Power.

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"Hey, can ve take Doug's place?" whimpered Nightcrawler. Desutoroia pondered and finally agreed. "YIPEE! Free soda!" Desu groaned and planned how to get out of this mess...

---

"It has been several weeks now and using the resources around me, I have made my Cambot able to speak. Well, go ahead," said Super Jet Jaguar.

"Hello!" said a FEMALE voice.

"Yes, she is female... Dont know how, but anyway... Also, after two days, I remembered I KNOW DIDDLY SQUAT ABOUT THE ZELDA UNIVERSE!!!"

"Oh, come on! You already killed about a hundred Orcas and spider things. And those plants as well..."

"Hold that thought, Cambot. Catbert is coming." With that, the Count turned into a red mist.

"Well, there is his Cambot but where is he?" asked CB. When he turned around, he fell under SJJ's power.

"Catbert, go get me the Master Sword, then take me to whoever has the Triforce. THEN, go kill yourself or something." Super Jet Jaguar and Catbert wandered off into the Lost Woods to pull the Master Sword from its altar but they couldn't. They traveled through Death Mountain to search for something that could help them but accidentally discovered a Time Warp. It sucked them into the Golden Land, also known as the Dark World. There, they traveled all over: Skull Woods, Misery Mire, Turtle Rock, The Pyramid of Power... even to the Village of Outcasts but they couldn't find a way back to Hyrule, the Light World.

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Meanwhile, in the land of Hyrule, deep in the dark Underworld, Gannon was standing before the Evil Jar. "The time has finally come for the final battle against Link and Zelda!" he shouted. Gannon snapped his fingers and summoned all of his greatest, most powerful monsters from the Evil Jar. "Now, my evil minions! Go to the castle!" Gannon laughed an evil laugh.

In the forest, Queen Ghidorah was walking along when three Stalfos Knights and some Moblins came around the corner and began attacking her. Link Harkanian, who was close by, heard the maiden's screams for help and ran over to to leap into action.

"Does Gannon ever quit?" Link said to himself. He pulled out his sword, threw it into the air, caught it in his hands, twirled it around and zapped all of the Moblins and Stalfos.

"Oh, my hero! You saved me! How can I ever repay you?" asked Queen Ghidorah. Link smiled.

"How 'bout a kiss on the cheek?" asked Link. Suddenly, the ground shook and both Link and Queen Ghidorah fell down.

"What was that?"

"I don't know, lady, but I think it came from the castle."

---

At Hyrule castle was an invading army of Moblins, Stalfos Knights, Octorocks, Armos Knights, Ironknuckles, Goriyas, Dairas and a giant three-headed Gleeok.

"What the bloody Hell is going on?" King Harkinian Celiras asked one of the guards.

"It's Gannon, your royalty. His forces are invading the castle from all over." Then a giant Gohma claw came smashing through the wall.

"Where's Link?" Princess Zelda Celiras asked.

The Triforce of Wisdom had been left unguarded and unprotected and the invading force was the perfect diversion to allow Gannon to steal it. The evil wizard entered Link's room where it was kept while his minions and monsters stomped the castle.

"At last! The Triforce of Wisdom is in my possession! Side by side with my own Triforce, it will make me ruler of all Hyrule... FOREVER!" Gannon grabbed Wisdom and escaped with it. Soon after, the invading forces retreated.

The King: "Wha-what's goin' on? Why are they retreating?"

Zelda: "Oh no! The Triforce..." Princess Zelda ran up to the tower where Link's room was and discovered that it was gone. "Gannon's got the Triforce!" She ran down to the stable, hopped on her white stallion and rode off without hesitation. Link, running to the castle with Queen Ghidorah, saw her ride away.

"Zelda? Gannon! He must have the Triforce," Link whispered.

Queen Ghidorah: "Did you say something?"

"Head back to the castle without me. Tell them Link sent you and ask the King to send his army to Death Mountain. Quickly!"

"Okay!" Queen Ghidorah ran off while Link went in the opposite direction.

"Death Mountain is too far away," Link figured. "I'll have to go through an Underworld entrance in the Lost Woods to get there faster."

Gannon placed the Triforce of Wisdom upon his altar next to the Triforce of Power, underneath the Evil Jar.

"Now, Link and Zelda will no longer stand in my way! I now rule all of Hyrule and shall for all eternity! HAHAHAHA!"

---

Queen Ghidorah, approaching the Castle, met up with the other Roosters who she was supposed to have joined 20 minutes ago. Gamingboy, Sheriff Varan, Andross, D.B. Zelda, Evil Genius Man, Super Godzilla Fan, Ubergeek and Sauron were all sitting there.

"You guys have to help," she explained. "The Hylians are in trouble! Gannon has the Triforce..."

Gamingboy: "OH NUTS! This is bad news... Where's Gannon's Tower?"

Queen Ghidorah: "No, silly. His lair is the Underworld, located inside of Death Mountain. Link told me you guys gotta help or else Gannon will rule this dimension forever."

Sauron: "If this happens, then he may also discover the time warp to our dimension and take control of Roostville."

D.B. Zelda: "We must fight! To Death Mountain it is."

Geekspawn: "With my powers, I'll kick Gannon's butt!"

Evil Genius Man: "His magic will never overpower my Doomsday Weapons! Hehehehe."

Sheriff Varan: "To Death Mountain it is."

Queen Ghidorah: "Link sent me to get the King's army. You guys go ahead."

Back in the forest:
Link was running and getting tired, real fast. He saw Zelda in the distance.

"ZELDA!"

Zelda: "LINK! How could you let Gannon get away with the Triforce?"

Link: "I was off doing business, saving beautiful maidens from Moblins. Zapping Gannon's monsters is my job, ya know." Zelda didn't look too happy. "There's a secret Underworld entrance over here."

Zelda: "Oh, great! This better not be a trap like the last time..." Link revealed the entry way and they walked through, traveling through long corridors, down mile-long stairways and fighting Gannon's minions. None of it was fun and games. They fell through a trap door in the floor and landed in Gannon's main chamber.

"Aw... Princess Zelda and the Hero of Time, Link. Hahahahaha! Not even you will be able to stop me now that I possess both pieces of the Triforce. Hahahahaha!" Gannon snapped his fingers and from inside of the Evil Jar came an army of Irunknuckles, Moblins, Stalfos Knights and Goriyas. "Now let's see you defeat them, Link! Zap 'em all you want. I can summon thousands more! Hahahahahahaha!"

"Yeah, well, we'll see who laughs last, pig-face!" Link pulled out his magic sword and zapped the Moblins and Stalfos but the Goriyas and Ironknuckles would be much harder. Zelda grabbed her magic bow and silver arrows. Together, the two slowly demolished Gannon's troops. "Now Gannon, face me!"

"I think NOT, foolish hero!" Gannon then summoned Queen Gohma, a giant crab-like monster and Gleeok, a Hydra type creature. "Now, Link, let's see you defeat these monsters! Hahahahahahahaha!" Link leaped into action, cutting each head from Gleeok's body until one was left. It blasted a fireball at him, hurting badly while Zelda's arrow easily took down the mighty Gohma.

Zelda: "LINK! NO!"

"Hahahahaha! Yes, Zelda, YES! Link will be no more! Hahahahahaha!" Suddenly, a sword came flying from nowhere. The sender must of had good aim because it cut the final head from Gleeok's body.

Voice: "That's what you think, Ganondorf Dragmire!"

Gannon: "WHAT!" The Roosters and the King's army had arrived to help Link and Zelda battle the evil forces of Gannon.

Sauron: "Facing Link may be easy, Gannon, but facing Sauron will be a whole new challenge for you!"

Link: "HEY!"

Super Godzilla Fan: "Let's GET HIM!"

Gannon: "Hahahahahahaha! No matter. I'll kill you ALL myself! Now I perform the ancient art of magic!" The light faded and the room turned into absolute Darkness. "Hahahaha!" Unseen, Gannon was striking down everyone.

Link: "Zelda! The Rod I gave you... pass it over."

Zelda: "But I can't see you, Link..."

Link: "Just THROW it!" Zelda tossed it into the air. Link was able to grab it and using the Rod, fired a fireball which formed a temporary light source. Gannon reassembled behind him. The Hero of Time turned to zap him with his sword when Gannon hit, sending him flying and the sword in the opposite direction. Gannon then disappeared and reappeared behind the King's Army but just as he was about to blast them with his magic, a silver arrow came flying, striking him in the heart.

Gannon: "AHHHHH! NOOO! AHHHH! NOOOOOO!" Gannon exploded into nothing but his body reformed back together, laying beat up and weak. The Roosters started to cheer.

"YEA! SHE DID IT! GANNON'S DEAD! YEA!" Everyone in the King's Army also began to cheer. Link got up and retrieved his mighty sword.

"So, it's finally over. Gannon is no more and both pieces to the Triforce are ours."

Zelda: "Yes."

Link: "Well, in that case, how about a kiss?"

Zelda: "Grr..." Suddenly, Gannon's unconscious body floated up in the air and started spinning. He dropped to the ground, landing on his feet.

Gannon: "HAHAHAHAHA! You didn't think you could kill me that easily, did you? As for you out of towners and the King's men, this is between Zelda, Link and me." Gannon created a fire barrier to keep out the Roosters and the King's Army so he could fight Zelda and Link alone. With everything he had left, Gannon created a weapon to use against Link. The two began the greatest duel of their lives with swords clanging and sparks flying everywhere. Gannon sent a blast of magic at Link, knocking him to the ground. He started gasping in agony. Gannon took Link's sword and zapped him with it.

"HAHAHAHAHA! I have killed Link with his own weapon! The Hero of Time is no more! The beginning of my days as ruler starts here!" But Link wasn't dead. He got up and his body began to glow a golden color. "WHAT?!"

Zelda: "Yes! He's alive!" The shape of the Triforce appeared on Link's chest. It was so bright it could be seen through his shirt.

"What? How can this be?!" Gannon exclaimed.

"Because, Hog Face, I have the Triforce of Courage inside my heart." Link's sword was flung from Gannon's hand and back to Link's. "And now, it's back to the Evil Jar with you!"

"NEVER!" Gannon blasted a fireball and Link countered with a beam from his sword. The fireball missed Link and caused the Underworld to start collapsing while Link's blast hit Gannon, sending him back to the Evil Jar.

"C'mon! Let's get out of here!" Link, Zelda, the Roosters and everyone else fled from the Underworld as it caved in behind them.

Several weeks later, Desutoroia and the TV crew arrived to take the Roosters back to Roostville.

Gamingboy: "Where's Catbert and Super Jet Jaguar?"

Desutoroia: "Nuts! They must have got trapped in the Golden Land through an open time warp. I'm going to have to go find them. See you guys back in Roostville. Just leave the portal open." Desutoroia walked off and everyone else headed home.

Meanwhile, in the rubble of the Underworld, a sorcerer dressed in red walked through the remains. He looked up to see Gannon's head inside of the Evil Jar.

Gannon: "Agahnim! Free me from this imprisonment!"

Agahnim: "Yes, my master."