Chapter One: DEMOCRACY IN ACTION
"I'm innocent! I'm as belittled as you are!" Morgoth screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Since when was he a coward?" asked Ubergeek, staring at the Mayor of Roostville.
"Since I created the Plot Hole," replied Gamingboy.
"Oh."Soon, it was decided to hold an election for a new Mayor. Nominated were:
- Gamingboy (with Vice-Mayor candidate Ubergeek) - The Copyright© Party.
- Sauron (with Vice-Mayor candidate Saruman) - The EYEBALL Party.
- Raptor (with Vice-Mayor candidate Robert Ranting) - The R Party.
Meanwhile in the GAMING MANSION:
"So, the slogan should be 'Controlled Lunacy, Great Democracy'."
"PERFECT!" declared Ubergeek. "You were able to summarize Roostville in four words!"
"I know." Soon, Ubergeek and Gamingboy were PHOTOSHOPPING© cool campaign posters.
Jet Jaguar: "Jimi, we have our work cut out for us here! Robots are generally liked and respected but I'm not! You have to come up with a cool slogan that everyone can get behind!"
Somewhere high above the city...
JJ hung his head and consulted his programming.
July 10, 2014, 2216 hours:
"Hey, Desutoroia was murdered!" yelled Ubergeek to Gamingboy.
"WHAT?!" screamed the candidate.
"Yeah!" insisted Ubergeek, in a duuuhhh-like tone.
"Revise the ads. Say that under MY administration, crime will become nonexistent. NEVER will a Roostafarian die! NEVER!" yelled Gamingboy
Jimi: "Didja hear about Desu?"
JJ: "Can we pin this on Gamingboy and his fraudulent campaign?"
Jimi: "Hold on! WOOT! I got an idea!"
A new ad was on ROOST TV every hour, showing a picture of Gamingboy and Ubergeek with knives in their bloody hands. The message:
The next day:
A vote for them is a vote for YOUR OWN DEATH!
Vote THE ROBOT PARTY
VOTE FOR JET JAGUAR
All but ready to turn in for the evening, the Geekspawn switched off his lap top and looked at the TV just in time to catch the Robot Party's latest advertising 'masterpiece'. He proceeded to spasm with laughter for the next four minutes. That completed, the were-Kaiju switched off the television as well, plunging the room (a former ID-4 Alien Gunnery Port®, to be precise) into darkness and stared glumly out into the night. The last week or so had been draining, even by his standards:
- Desutoroia's murder. (For the life of him, Uber couldn't think of a suspect or motive)
- That Xian-sponsored throwback to Imperial Rome.
- Gamingboy's roping him into a political campaign, of all unholy things. (He hadn't even known such things as 'Vice-Mayors' existed)
- And the abrupt disappearance of two good friends.
The earliest inklings of a connection drifted into the Geek's head: If he recalled, the original Roman games had dragged in all sorts of 'contestants' - convicts, slaves, dishonored soldiers - anything to satisfy the public appetite for blood. Given Roostville's almost magnet-like tendency to stage bizarre (if unscheduled) battles-to-the-death, a were-Goji or two would fit right in. That deliberated, the Geekspawn made up his mind to pay the Colosseum® a little visit but recalled his 'duties' on Gamingboy's staff and debated the two: Friends... campaign. Friends... campaign.
Aw, who am I kidding? 'Sides, since when did Morgoth allow elections? His mind made up, Uber packed some select items from the Armory©, sent the Gamer® a message regarding his leave of absence and included some semi-useful campaign tips before setting off for the great arena. It was time to find his companions and anything stupid enough to get in his way deserved what was coming.
Chapter Two: UNDER ATTACK!
I've gone off to kick some tail at the Arena. Be back sometime within the next 100 years. Here's some tips 'til then:
1. Don't die.
2. Don't get assassinated.
3. Don't fall down the stairs.
4. Don't fall off a bridge.
Okay, that ought to help.
Suddenly, a bullet came through the window. Gamingboy ducked just in time, saw his assailant in a nearby abandoned apartment building and demolished the structure with a quick Gamingblast. He walked through the rubble and saw his attacker - Jet Jaguar, but it wasn't Jet. After a quick pull of the mask, Gamingboy found that the assassin really was... Desutoroia!
The killer got up, pushed Gamingboy to the side and ran off. He tried to follow but the villain was nowhere in sight. Soon, Sheriff Varan and a few Mods appeared.
"It was Desutoroia, I tell ya!" Gamingboy screamed. The Sheriff shook his head and walked over to him.
"No, that's impossible. I just checked and Desutoroia's body is still in the morgue." Varan returned to examining the room where the attempted assassination took place and noticed a bottle of anti-psychotic medication on the floor. He picked it up and checked the label:
Rx#37405198 - Dr. Johnson GAMINGBOY: Anti-Psychotic medication Take two tablets a day. Refills: 3
"Gamingboy, have you taken your medication today?"
"No, I forgot..."
"Well, that would explain how Desutoroia tried to assassinate you. He didn't! You just had another delusion."
"So... are you saying that I imagined the whole thing?" Gamingboy was astonished.
"No," replied Varan. "I'm not. Someone did try to kill you. That bullet hole in the wall proves it. But it wasn't our good man, Desu. Your thoughts were on his murder and you hadn't taken your medication yet so when you came face-to-face with the killer, you had a delusion that the would-be assassin was Desutoroia."
"OH! So I'm crazy now, eh?!"
"Gamingboy, just remember to take those anti-psychotic tablets every morning, okay?"
Chapter Three: MORE COMPETITION
"We now begin Operation Alpha-Z 5 4 2, Code: Omega!"
"'VOTE CATBERT FOR MAYOR!'? What?" Sheriff Varan noticed a poster was blocking his window. "GRR..." TWACK! Varan ducked as an arrow with a flyer stuck to it hit the wall:
VOTE CATBERT FOR SHERIFF!
Space Varen walked into the Court House to register his party for the election. The clerk handed him a form and he filled it out.
Guy behind counter: "Who is this 'Ooracha' you claim to be your running mate?"
Space Varen: "A giant octopus with 16 tentacles and six eyes. Check your outside security camera."
Guy behind counter: "THAT'S your running mate!?"
Space Varen: "He's super intelligent. He's also a god of an underwater civilization." And thus, the Kaiju Party was formed. The next day, they had advertisements running on all TV channels:
Hellspawn also decided to run for Mayor of Roostville and represent his late friend and next door neighbor, Desutoroia. Signs appeared all over town and ads on TV proclaimed:
Space Varen and Ooracha, Kaiju For Roostville!
Space Varen is good friends with Space Godzilla. Would you want Space Godzilla defending Roostville?
Ooracha is god of an underwater civilization.
Vote for Space Varen and Ooracha.
Vote for Hellspawn.
Voting for Gamingboy or Jet Jaguar will only result in you voting for your own death.
They can't run this town.
Vote for Hellspawn and I'll completely eliminate crime.
Vote for me and I'll make your dreams come true.
Catbert noted that he had already received 100 votes and Gamingboy, 99. He grabbed a sword from a sleeping cat man as the Sheriff went back to working on a case of his: the murder of Desutoroia.
Jet Jaguar held a private meeting to discuss Operation: Alpha-Z 5 4 2, Code: Omega. Simply put, shame Gamingboy and his ilk from the election!
Jimi: "But how? The dude has NO shame as it is!"
JJ: "Oh, he CAN be embarrassed, Jimi..."
Chapter Four: CAMPAIGN TACTICS
A news alert flashed across ROOST-TV. A picture of Gamingboy's Election Headquarters, festooned with pink and lavender silk scarves, filled the screen. A deeply portentous voice boomed, stating, "Today it would seem that the Gamingboy Election Headquarters has overnight become the headquarters for the Gay Kaiju Liberation Coalition! How will this affect the election? It seems the Robot Party has leaped ahead in the polls a whopping 47%!" Flying high over the city, Jet Jaguar chuckled to himself.
The following day:
"Hm, GB, you were not imagining Desutoroia being the killer because I saw it, too," Super Jet Jaguar advised him. "I will be looking for clues and try to protect you. Besides, the murderer is after me as well. But to get to the- GET DOWN!!!" he yelled as a dagger flew straight toward Gamingboy! Luckily (for GB) SJJ had taken the blade instead. The Mods and an ambulance soon arrived but this time, the victim was the Count. Luckily for him, he was not killed.
Melkor and Sheriff Varan questioned the Cyborg Vampire, who also claimed that his attacker was Desutoroia. But how could this be? Desutoroia had been dead for three days. To double check, Varan had Melkor call the morgue. His body was still there. Varan looked around for a bottle of anti-psychotic medication with SJJ's name on it but there was none which clearly meant that this was no delusion. He went outside for a smoke and noticed a body laying nearby. Ubergeek had been slashed badly and was barely alive.
Jimi: "Hey, JJ! Maybe we need to back off from the campaign. I mean, WOOT! People are getting killed! Ubergeek just got it!"
Jet: "Maybe you're right, Jimi. But then, if you and I help solve this, it'll make US look good in the eyes of the community and the Robot Party will rule!" What JJ didn't think about until it was too late was: How did Jimi know about Ubergeek so soon after he was attacked?
"I've come to save the Geek!" Professor Phish burst into his office, brandishing a pair of odd tools that positively bristled with sharp pointy bits and didn't look at all pleasant. "Nifty device I came up with. It allows one to resurrect the dead."
"Uhm, he's not dead," the Sheriff advised before the Semi-Mad Scientist could go into another long-winded explanation.
"...darn. You sure I can't poke him with it anyway?"
Gamingboy then made a speech:
The curtain behind him pulled open and there was a box - a mysterious box. Too mysterious, in fact.
"My fellow Roostafarians, both legal and illegal. This mud that was flung at me by the Robot Party is a bunch of Huey. You got it, a bunch of Duey! So don't give a Luey about it.
"I'm not even aware Kaiju HAVE different sexes. I mean, THINK about it, people! But anyway, my running mate was attacked, I was attacked, many people are... being attacked. And despite the Sheriff's efforts, the killers have not been found. So, to help raise reward money for the capture of this fiend, I now present... a TELETHON!"
Again, the attacker(s) had struck, this time against Gamingboy's goodwill gesture and that was the last straw. Morgoth declared martial law and all candidates for office were strongly advised to refrain from making public appearances.
"And just to make sure they comply, any candidate holding a public meeting will be arrested for their own protection, as well as being charged with contempt of ME!"
Chapter Five: MARTIAL LAW
"I already answered all your questions, Ballard."
"Yes, but there's just one last thing I would like to ask you about the mannequin. Why did this psychopath go to all that trouble just to put a dummy in a shower stall? What's the point of it, eh? Does it have any significance?"
"Well, according to Rodan70 and his wife, Jangofett, it wasn't there just before the Mods showed up to question them. They talked for over an hour and when the Mods left, he and Brittany discovered the mannequin. We believe that it was a message to us that the killer can get around town, kill people, get away with anything he wants and never get caught or seen."
"A regular Mitch Laurence..."
"Oh, nothing, Sheriff." The phone rang and Varan picked up.
"Ya. Uh-huh. Okay. I'll be right on it."
"And who was that?"
"Police business. Now I have to leave. There was another attempt on Gamingboy's life."
By the time Varan got to the scene of the latest mayhem, Morgoth was already there and furious. Wisely, everyone running for office (other than his second-in-command, Sauron) had either departed under their own power or been carted off to the hospital.
"You WILL enforce my latest edict, correct?" the Mayor glared at Varan.
"Of course!" the Sheriff huffed. "Any excuse to jail ANY of those so-called 'candidates' would make my job so much easier, and not just during election time."
"Good to hear. Now, what do you suppose happened here and who could be responsible?" Varan had no idea other than Gamingboy was no doubt the target. The results of the bomb also didn't look like the work of the usual suspects noted for their preference of the Big Bang theory of problem solving: blowing things up. "I also don't like the fact that he was going to kick off a telethon to raise funds for a reward for Desu's killer's capture and THIS is his reward. Someone definitely wants to scare the tweets out of this town and is doing a pretty good job of it so far."
"Hey, bud! Hey! What are you doing with that gun? NO! PLEASE!!!" Five gun shots rang out. The victim, barely holding on to life, was asked by the Sheriff who had shot him.
"I it w was yyyou..." gasped Lord Jimi.
"Hey, Uber! Wait! I thought you wer- AAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Gamingboy yelled in pain before fainting dead away...
After the Sheriff returned from questioning Gamingboy (yet again), he got a call. Jet Jaguar had challenged the attacker who had been stalking Gamingboy and the other candidates. Space Varen had also filed a formal complaint:
Mayor Morgoth:Now was the time for ROBOT ACTION! Jet Jaguar grew to his Ultra-Kaiju height and stated loudly:
I would like to know why you have enacted the new law that political candidates can't make public appearances. Me and my running mate are Kaiju and can take care of ourselves. I have nobody trying to put me in a grave. Actually, only Gamingboy and Ubergeek have been attacked.
ATTENTION PEOPLE OF ROOSTVILLE! I HEREBY CHALLENGE THE ATTACKER TO A DUEL TO THE DEATH! IF HE OR SHE DOES NOT ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE, THEN HE OR SHE IS OBVIOUSLY A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITION AND SHOULD NOT BECOME MAYOR!
Chapter Six: HELLSPAWN
"Don't make me PUNCH! KICK! you, boy!" he said as he landed at the Mod Station. It appeared that the one behind the whole scheme was Lord Jimi. Soon, Dr. Phish arrived with Geekspawn by his side and said that Jimi and Uber were under his control via his creation which could resurrect the dead. Uber attacked Jet Jaguar and he, Jimi and Dr. Phish escaped to continue stalking the mayoral candidates. Jet recorded the whole thing and showed the evidence to Sheriff Varan who assigned Melkor and a few other Mods to help Jet hunt down Dr. Phish and his evil minion mind-slaves while he continued with the murder case. The startling truth about the attacker who had been trying to kill Gamingboy was revealed but he was not the one behind the murder of Desutoroia and the skewered mannequin.
Meanwhile, in a hidden chamber located in Desu Mansion, Hellspawn and his minions worked secretly to get Hellspawn elected Mayor of Roostville.
"My Lord!" one of them shouted.
"What is it?" Hellspawn spoke from the shadows.
"Well, sir, so far we - I mean YOU, have more votes than any of the others running for Mayor."
"And would you please remind me why that is?"
"Blackmail, sir," the minion paused for a moment. "We blackmailed lots of the townsfolk."
"Very good," the dark spawn of Hell said. "But now I must be off. I have to pay two dear old friends a visit." Hellspawn vanished into the darkness.
"My fellow Roostafarians, at least one or two outside forces are fixing this election. One of them is the current Mayor who is actually an alien in Morgoth's body. The other one I don't know about yet. But I propose to my rivals that we postpone the election for a few days to straighten this out." An old man came out of the crowd and started screaming at Gamingboy.
"I am 'The Man Who Has Studied Godzilla More Than Anyone Presently Alive'. I know him better than anyone and Morgoth is not an alien! HE'S NOT! THE ALIEN IS SAURON, HIS SECOND IN COMMAND AND VICE-MAYOR OF ROOSTVILLE! And the other evil force you speak of is DOCTOR SANDWORM PHISH!"
Some guy that nobody knew killed the old man, simply stating, "Don't worry about it. He always comes back to life. Regenerates in the closet back at Matt's World Broadcasting Station. Uh... gotta go. Bye!" He then ran off.
"I think I need to take my anti-psychotic medication again..." Gamingboy admitted.
"No, I saw it, too. Uuh, anyway... GET DOWN!" Count Super Jet Jaguar got stabbed by a dagger that was flying toward Gamingboy... AGAIN! The candidate saw the attacker and shot him with a Gamingblast. When he went to see who it was, his assailant turned out to be Dr. Phish. Soon, Melkor and Jet Jaguar arrived.
"We got him. We got him! Now that Dr. Phish is... knocked out, no more Mayor candidates should be hurt," declared the mighty robot.
"HIP HIP HOORAY!" shouted Gamingboy.
"Where's a bottle of blood when you need it," muttered the Vampire Cyborg.
"I think I better go call the Roostville Hospital," figured Melkor.
"YEAH! THIS IS THE END!"
"No, Gamingboy," Melkor reminded him. "We still have to solve the mysterious death of Desutoroia and the Spammerite, Eric.
"DAMN!" Gamingboy cursed.
At Hellspawn's secret base:
"Yes. My blackmail plan is working. I now have more votes than any other candidate. Hahahahaha!"
"So. Some of the problems in town have been resolved but I'm STILL telling you that Morgoth has been BODY SNATCHED! Let me see him!"
"No," the Mayor's advisor insisted.
"Yes," said Gamingboy.
"HUZZAH! IT'S 'YES'! I GOT YOU BUGS BUNNY STYLE! TIME TO KICK ALIEN BUTT!"
"SAURON HAS BEEN BODY SNATCHED, NOT MORGOTH! I HAVE IT ON TAPE!" The resurrected body of 'The Man Who Has Studied Godzilla More Than Anyone Presently Alive' rushed in and showed GB the video.
"OH MY GOD!" GB exclaimed as he watched the horrid events of how the aliens had snatched the Vice-Mayor.
"Uhhh, sir. He won't be able to summon his TOLKIENISH HORDE© because of the rules."
"I know. We need to stop the aliens. And there are still rumors that a spawn from hell is trying to fix the election. Wait a second! Maybe they're in league with each other!"
"Tell me, Mr. Godzilla Researcher, could Minya fly?"
"Why, yes. He did in the TV show."
"You've got your lame Goji-babies mixed up! You're not human! You're a body snatcher and that video was faked but it still could win an Oscar for special effects!"
"Why... Why... How did you know?" People started crowding around the researcher.
"WHO DO YOU WORK FOR? WHO? WHAT ALIEN SPECIES THING? The Martians? The Venusians? The Andromedians? The Klingons? WHAT?!"
"The the... AHHHH!" A poison dart had hit the researcher a la STAR WARS EPISODE TWO. Across town, a spirit in a jar, making up the essence of what the researcher was, felt a jolt of pain. A spectator screamed.
"GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!"
Chapter Seven: GB TO THE RESCUE
"Who the Hell are you?" Gamingboy asked.
"I AM THE FIDDLER!" GB started fighting with the villain. Crack! Wack! Smack! Poh! Keer-blam! POW! The assailant shot sleeping gas from a staff shaped like a fiddle bow. When he awoke, Gamingboy was strapped to a bed-like thingy and a laser beam was coming towards him! The Fiddler pointed out that it was the GAMINGMOBILE'S laser! That was a mistake for with a voice command, (the Fiddler, being a stupid villain, forgot to tape his mouth), the device swung around, cut Gamingboy free and nicely chopped the Fiddler's head off. GB got into his car and drove off.
The Gamingmobile was soon being followed by cars, hovercraft, helicopters, alien craft and even a tank or two, only to be taken out by oil slicks, laser beam, missiles and dumb-rockets (not exactly in that order). Coming towards City Hall, he was met with machine guns.
"Boring!" His vehicle was bulletproof. He was soon there and drove through the doors into Sauron's office. Saruman was also present.
"Alright, Morgoth is body snatched and I need some help! Er... but first: What was the first book in the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy?"
"Fellowship of the Ring," said Sauron
"Bilbo Baggins and the Sorcerer's stone?" asked Saruman. Quickly, Saruman was disposed of and somewhere across town, an essence felt pain but didn't die.
"Hop in, Eye-boy." Soon, the Gamingmobile was careening towards the armored door of Morgoth's Castle. A quick Gamingbeam destroyed the barrier and they headed straight towards the clone.
"Crap..." was its last word as the Gamingmobile ran right over him.
"Sauron, make sure he's dead... err... and can you send a SWAT team to the Roostville Cemetery? I'm gonna check something out. I guess you're Mayor until the election is decided or until the real Morgoth is found..." Gamingboy sped off.
Meanwhile at Desu Mansion, Hellspawn was beginning to construct the master plan he had for the city of Roostville as the vote count for him continued to get higher and higher.
The insane Dr. Phish awoke in his cell at the Mod Station and raised up off his bunk.
"Where... where am I?" The Geekspawn looked at him and so did Lord Jimifulss.
"We are in jail for stalking those mayor candidates. You did this to us, Sandworm Phish! You used something to control our minds and made us attack Gamingboy!"
"Yes, well, scientific research. BUT FEAR NOT! I HAVE A PLAN TO GET US OUT, MY MIND CONTROLLED SLAVES!"
"And what plan would that be?" Jimi asked. Suddenly, the wall exploded, freeing them. Dr. Phish was now on the run and fled to his underground lair beneath Desu Hill. He began to discuss with his minion mind slaves his great plans for world domination.
Anguirus and his gang of protesters were chanting, "NO GAMINGBOY FOR MAYOR!!!" but as they marched, something came up behind them. They all screamed and ran away.
The votes were being counted by Roostville's Super Mecha Ultra-Computer. Being a sophisticated computer himself, Jet Jaguar tapped into it and lo and behold, the results were obvious! JET JAGUAR of the ROBOT PARTY was now MAYOR!
"Uhh... Jet. The final tally is still days away..." said one of his advisors.
"Yes. And Hellspawn blackmailed more than half of Roostville to vote for him," said some guy wearing a T-shirt that said 'I LOVE SPAM!'
Anguirus was soon planning another rally against Gamingboy with his fellow protesters, Orga 99 and Gamzilla.
Chapter Eight: THE ROOSTVILLE UNDERGROUND
'Speak-say, quick-quick!' snapped the form seated on the throne in a scratchy, shrill voice. The foremost of the lurking shapes scuttled forward, revealing itself to be a loathsome mixture of man and rodent; its black fur stained with filth and disease, the ragged suggestion of a uniform draped about its lean limbs and scrawny chest. The skaven's muzzle rose slightly, trying to detect the scent of its master and thereby determine his mood.
'Doppleganger die,' the rat-man chittered nervously. 'They know it not mayor-man.' The shape on the throne hissed with contempt.
'Bad-bad,' it declared. 'Human-things not say-learn their warren-leader is clone.' The skaven leaned forward, the grotesque horns growing from the sides of its head twinkling in the dim light. 'Plans almost finished. Must not let things threaten-menace plan.' Its red eyes burned into those of the other lurking skaven. 'Look find other can-i-dates. Kill-slay all!' The grey seer leaned back on its throne. Foolish indeed were those who thought they could threaten his power base. He'd tolerate such foolishness no longer. Now they would learn why they were afraid of the dark and feared the night. Now they would hear a skaven shamelessly ripping off lines from THULSA DOOM.
The Vice-Mayor scuttled off into the darkness as the last of his minions returned to their network of tunnels. He had others to speak with. The deception with the clone had been discovered and plans might need to be changed now.
Dr. Sandworm Phish strolled through the underground of Roostville. His head still kinda hurt but that was to be expected when someone whacked you and dumped you in the water. At least the mind control was off now and a quick bit of tinkering had produced an anti-psi field he could carry on his belt. He probably should have been in the hospital but there was so much to do! Tinkering, experimenting, researching, Scrabble... Nope. Simply far too much to do than sit in some bed. Which brought him to the sewers as he searched about, trying to find just the right fungus for his current Atomic Monster Project. And maybe if he was lucky, a bit of warp stone for his latest doomsday weapon.
Meanwhile, as Gamingboy and friends were on their way to the crime scene, a special bulletin came over the radio.