THE BATTLE OF ROOSTVILLE

WAR! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

INDEX

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Epilogue
CAST OF
CHARACTERS
Ancalagon the Black
Angillis 333
Anzila
Aqualla
Catbert
D.B. Zelda
Evil Genius Man
Gamingboy
Jet Jaguar
Lord Jimifulss
Jun Katagiri
Melkor
Miyako Aso
Morgoth
Sandworm Phish
Saruman
Sauron
Super Jet Jaguar
Ubergeek
Sheriff Varan
Yongary
LOCATIONS and
ENTITIES
Gamingboy's Mansion©
The Museum of Monsters
E.D.C.O.L.E.
City Hall
Ogasawara Daikaiju
Preserve

G-FEST
Institute of Obscure
Kaiju

Greek Temple
Roostville Militia
Kong Town

INTRODUCTION

Originally started April 29, 2003 by Gamingboy and taking place April 2008 in the Roostville Universe, three days after the fourth "birthday" of Roostville: A Kaiju Town (April 26th).

This is a "prequel" to the Roostville "universe" established initially by ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE.

Chapter One: EMINENT DANGER
In Gamingboy's Mansion©, Ubergeek and GB were doing a final checklist.

"Okay," Uber finally declared. "We were able to find almost everything for The Museum of Monsters except the Godzilla vs. Hedorah toilet paper."

Gamingboy was pleased. "Good. Now to the business at hand. Our town is in grave danger of an Alien/Ninja/Rabid Seagull/Drunk Monkey/Terrorist/GINO Fan attack. Sauron has given me the power of Homeland Defense." Ubergeek raised his eyebrow but Gamingboy just smiled. "Plot hole."

Deep in space:

The EVIL DUDE CONVENTION OF LITERALLY EVERYWHERE (known as the EDCOLE) had convened.

"We, the VOORTACK, believe that the biggest threat to our evil ways are the many creatures that live in Roostville!"

"We, the Kilaaks, agree."

"Us Aliens from the Black Hole also agree..."

"We, the Intergalactic Evil Ninja Foundation That Doesn't Exist (IENFTDE), also agree."

"So it's clear that we must attack Roostville..."

"Hey, I got some drinking buddies who know a lot about Earth... Kang and Kodos."

"Let's get them also."

Later, at the Early Warning Watch (EWW):

"Sir, we have a large number of hostile forces on the screen. There is a flying saucer armada coming in!" Within an hour, they had attacked Roostville, released drunk monkeys and made all the sea gulls go rabid.

Chapter Two: THE WAR FOR ANGUIRUS
Angillis had pulled out a rocket launcher and was firing in all directions.

"How long are they going to keep this up?" asked an angry Gamingboy when his car got destroyed in the crossfire.

"We can't just stand around here!" yelled Ubergeek. "We have to save the Roost!" The Geeky one and GB rushed off to join the effort as Roostville was really in trouble now. The National Guard units had gone off to protect the smaller cities against the attacking space armada.

"We are on our own," Mayor Morgoth figured. "I guess I could have Sheriff Varan marshal his deputies. At least they have some experience with crowd control and it looks like we're in store for an all out invasion..." Just as he was about to call him, Angillis, Ubergeek and Gamingboy showed up at City Hall.

"We'll save Roostville!" they proclaimed as Angillis fired his rocket launcher and blew a hole in the roof. The Mayor groaned, wondering why he ever took this job in the first place.

Aqualla soon arrived, holding his non-Kaiju power weapon of choice: a souped-up cattle prod. "I'll help! Watching drunken monkeys go through muscle spasms because of high voltage electric shock is so therapeutic. They may be drunk but monkeys will be monkeys and love bananas. One of you had better do something about those sea gulls. I just washed my car and now look at it! I've put out some bread with bicarbonate of soda in it but I didn't have enough for this many sea gulls." With that, he headed towards the fruit shop. As he was leaving, a seagull that had been watching them (and looking slightly ill) exploded. Parts flew in all directions as gas built up from ingesting the bicarbonate of soda. Not being able to burp, the gas was released the only way possible.

Sucking down a Dr. Pepper as the meeting drew to a close, Ubergeek was suddenly struck by a terrible thought. "Uh, guys... I think we have a problem."

The Mayor sighed. "What now?"

"Last time we checked, how many of our monsters are extraterrestrial in nature?"

Morgoth frowned. "A regular @#%#load's worth. I like not the direction this is heading."

Gamingboy spoke up. "So you think the aliens will try the whole 'monster invasion' shtick again? How un-original can you get?"

The Great Hall of Important Semi-Formal Stuff® shuddered as a massive form touched down outside. From the windows, the flash of gravitic firepower could be seen, followed by the hideous cackle of Ghidorah, Three Headed Monster and Devourer of Worlds©.

"That answer your question?" In the distance was heard the now infamous Jet Jaguar theme song (patent pending).

"Just hand me a rocket launcher, give me a couple of minutes and the Three Headed Blunder will be down for the count!" proclaimed Angillis, running outside to fight the monster. The result was quite unexpected.

"Why would KG want to commit suicide?" asked Gamingboy.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," replied Angillis when he returned to the group. He was now covered in what one would only call Ghidorah urine. As he sprinted off again, everyone stared after the crazed being who somehow kept surviving the most insanely suicidal gambits.

"Anyone feel like stopping him?" inquired Saruman.

A collective "Nah" was the unanimous response, followed by the now familiar crash as Angillis was blasted back through a window, somehow surviving gravitic blasts that would've reduced a normal human to jelly.

"Ookay... thanks for the thought, Ang..."

"Just how much 'thought' went into THAT maneuver??" wondered Melkor.

"It's obvious we'll need some reinforcements," figured Morgoth.

"The JSDF?"

"You kidding?!"

"The Dark Legions of Middle-Earth?"

"Still sleeping off that tussle with Ancalagon the Black."

"Yeah, good old Anc... we don't see him around here so much now that he's a married man."

"Uh, getting back on topic while we still can: We'll have to go with Option C: DAM II."

"What?"

"Get all the good, sorta benign and semi-nasty monsters together and have 'em beat seven kinds of hell outta those aliens."

"Sounds good but what about the sea gulls, monkeys, terrorists, ninjas and GINO fans?"

"Bicarbonate of soda, cyanide-laced bananas, blunt objects, plastic explosives and anti-personnel weapons. Not necessarily in that order," was the Mayor's decree. "Oh yeah. I guess the JSDF can help, too."

Chapter Three: INTO THE BREACH
Abruptly, a familiar tune erupted from every high bass sound system in the general area: "Jet Jagaaa, Jet Jagaaa..."

Jet greeted everyone with a handshake and a grin. "Guys, the cavalry's coming. The Ogasawara Daikaiju Preserve just released Godzilla and his bunch. We also have a dozen Ultras ETA 12 minutes and a wing of F-15Js is intercepting the saucers as we speak."

"Thanks, JJ. Well, true believers, you've got your orders. Time to kick some alien butt and hold our end up until the heavies arrive." With that, the Roostafarians armed up and took to the streets as the Forces of Evil arrived: Ghidorah (Showa), Grand Ghidorah, Hedorah, Legion, Irys; all the alien invaders in the Gamera Showa series, Gigan, Space Godzilla, MechaGodzilla (Showa), Orga and a lot of Gyaos.

Gamingboy confided to Ubergeek, "I think we're in trouble..."

"Eh, give me my rocket launcher! Let me go! I said let me go!!!" Angillis yelled as he strained against the ropes that bound him to the wall.

"Do you think we should let him go?" asked GB.

"NO! HE HAS ALREADY DESTROYED MORE OF THIS TOWN THAN THE INVADERS!" bellowed Sauron.

"Okay. Let's go beat them down!" yelled Uber as D.B. Zelda wandered in, looked around and seeing Angillis bound to the wall (with Sauron and Gamingboy guarding him), started backing up.

"Um, I'm just here for G-FEST XV," DB advised. However, seeing as this was definitely not the right place, he quickly ran for his life as all Hell once again broke loose.

Chapter Four: UNDER ATTACK!
Throughout the streets, back alleys and burlesque houses of Roostville, a crazed melee raged as the mostly virtuous citizens took the fight to the sea gulls/monkeys/GINO fans/terrorists/ninjas. The sea gulls went quickly and hideously, blown apart by repeated overdoses of Mountain Dew® (released from Lord Jimifulss' private stock due to the emergency situation). The GINO fans, if anything, were even easier to dispatch as they were rapidly rounded up and 'enlightened' by Morgoth. The apes, terrorists and ninjas proved to be made of sterner stuff as the less experienced Roostafarians succumbed to an unending fusillade of fecal matter, car/bus/sneaker bombs and their Drunken Squirrel® style of fighting.

Reverting to human size, Jet Jaguar proved of invaluable assistance, ambushing squads of the fiends and sending them into seizures with his strobe light optics.

High above, a blur of laser and projectile cannon, air-to-air missiles and explosions dominated the night sky as interceptor and saucer locked in a massive dogfight which took on an uglier aspect as a good three dozen flying daikaiju plunged into the battle. Fortunately, a combined pack of Ultras and aerial monsters from Ogasawara chose this moment to weigh in. As the Ghidorahs were mobbed by a half dozen Ultras per tricephalic terror and knocked from the air, Gamera greeted the Gyaos with a fire ball barrage, blasting several apart before the swarm closed on him. Space Godzilla, busy telekinetically 'playing' with several F-15s, was blind-sided in a rather ugly fashion as Mothra Leo shifted to Armor mode and engaged him. Despite a desperate effort to stave the moth off with his energy shield, SG ultimately succumbed, scattering shards of himself across Roostville and leaving an utterly drained Mothra to resume his normal form and limp away from the battlefield.

Flying as a wing pair, the Heisei and Showa Mothras took up Leo's slack as Heisei raked Hedorah with mystic beams while her more massive predecessor beat away its noxious aura with her huge wings.

Dropping in behind Gigan, Battra sent the cyborg plummeting from the air with repeated optic blasts. The the Dark Moth shrieked in turn as a crimson mass slammed into him from above, delivering a brutal kick. Whirling about to exact some pay back, Battra was raked with sonic energy that shredded both wings and sheared off an entire row of rear legs. Not even pausing to observe his foe's drop to the ground below, Irys gained altitude and looked for his next challenger, only to be bounced in turn by three Rodans. Bashing aside his first two attackers with lashing tentacles, the Gyaos mutant was caught off guard by Fire Rodan's ramming assault which sent him momentarily spiraling out of control. The Showa Rodans rocketed in for their own strikes and Irys was raked with atomic beams before hitting the ground.

Nearby, Megalon was having a rather hairy time landing strikes on the hulking Orga while evading MechaGodzilla's savage firepower. So far, the Seatopian beetle's potent agility had prevented neither foe from scoring more than glancing hits and once MechaG was hammered from the air by a fluttering shape, Megalon exploited the opening to whale on Orga with panache.

Gamingboy observed the new arrival with surprise. "Hey, Uber! What's that one?"

Busy nurpling an Aryan suicide bomber, Uber looked up. "Oh, that's Monarch-X. Fan fic Kaiju."

"Oh. Cool."

Anzila soon found himself in an epic battle with 20 ninjas. His more realistic fighting style allowed him to prevail against their flashier but less practical moves since he had also cut their wires. As he finished chukking one while back-kicking another in the nads, he noticed the final ninja staring down at him.

In traditional bad dub style he uttered, "Ah, your modern Kenpo style is impressive but it is no match for my Flying Death Crane Monkey Feces Att... ah screw it! I'm just gonna shoot you!" His voice came in sync with his lips and he yanked out an oversized pistol with unlimited clip (copyright 1998). Anzila pulled out his own weapon and a massive gun battle ensued. After several minutes of impossible feats of Special Effects, Anzila fired his last five shots... all of which missed. With his enemy bearing down on him, the brave warrior did the only thing available to a man of his honor: he threw his gun at the ninja and ran like hell. Luckily, he had managed to hit the ninja square in the head and knock him out. Anzila stared dumbstruck at his insane luck. He then whistled to summon a beautiful D&D Silver Dragon which he promptly hopped on and took off to join his fellow Roosters.

Somewhere in the distance, a fellow citizen felt a momentary chill. "Oh, no. He escaped!!" yelled Sauron, looking at the wall that used to be there, along with Angillis.

"GINO FANS DIE NOW!!!" yelled the fanatic who was running straight at all the GINO fans (just two or so), firing his rocket launcher at random. But luck was on the GF's side (and the rest of Roostville, for that matter) as Mothra Leo landed on top of him.

"Why am I scared?"

"Because you are sane." In a final act of goodwill, Mothra Leo sprayed a cloud of narcoleptic powder into the air, putting Angillis to sleep before he could wreak further havoc and doing likewise to the remaining GINO fans (and KOing some fifty ninja/terrorists/monkeys, as well as several Roostafarians who'd forgotten their gas masks. His work done for now, the mighty moth flapped off for a long nap.

Noting the losses their ground forces were taking, Legion loosed her miniature minions upon the streets of Roostville. Descending in twos, threes and baker's dozens, the six-foot insects wrought utter torment on a democratic basis, converting unwary citizens to bloody heaps and nimbly dodging most of their counterattacks.

Blasting apart several Soldiers with a belt-fed chain gun, Morgoth cursed fluently in several dead languages. "Fall back, dipsticks! We've got to get some heavier firepower!"

"No $#!t, Sherlock!" observed Saruman, splattering another pack against a nearby wall with a blast of energy from his staff. At that moment, several dozen Soldiers plunged in from above and the two Dark Lords prepared to go down in an ocean of their enemy's blood.

A hail of compact projectiles suddenly cut the silicon horrors from the air. Careening around the corner, a Humvee packed with Space Marines (ALIEN series) screeched to a stop scant feet from Morgoth and Saruman. Behind it came a battalion of M-I Abrams battle tanks, six Apache attack choppers and a squad of Mobile Infantry (STARSHIP TROOPERS novel).

Manning a Gatling gun at the Humvee's rear, Sandworm Phish acknowledged his superiors with a wave. "Figured these guys might come in handy."

Things were definitely heating up. Catbert, with a tendency to show up at all the wrong times, appeared with a BAMF! sound, brimstone and gas, which caused sea gulls, weeds and GINO fans to wither away.

"OOPS!" BREKE BREKE! Dang! This is as bad as the time I ate that rat poison!"

Chapter Five: EVIL GENIUS MAN
In his underground lair deep below Roostville, Evil Genius Man was ecstatic.

"This is perfect!" he exclaimed, the grin on his face growing ever larger. "It's the perfect situation to test my latest weapon: the Dark Energy Siphon! It allows me to steal the powers of any evil being I wish! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Now, who should I test it on... Ah, of course! I'll use it on Grand Ghidorah! Pure evil (though not as evil as me) and very powerful, too." He reached over to his control console and pressed a button.

Up on the surface, a panel in the ground opened and out came a laser device. It fired a beam at Grand Ghidorah, who began to vanish. When nothing more than a skeleton remained, the ray stopped. Back in the underground lair, a smaller device appeared from a wall and fired a beam at the Evil Genius. He laughed evilly as Ghidorah-like wings sprouted from his back.

"Excellent! I can feel the power surging through my veins! It should be sufficient to allow me to destroy those pathetic aliens." And with that, he pressed another button and was teleported to the battlefield where he flew toward the swarm of Gyaos and fired gravity beams from his hands to annihilate them.

Ubergeek turned his attention from the battle toward Roostville's resident evil madman. "Why is he here?" he asked Gamingboy.

"How the heck should I know?" GB replied, turning his attention back to the battle.

"Yo, Evil Genius," yelled the Geek. "Why are you fighting these guys? I mean, shouldn't they be your allies or something?"

The evil madman shrugged. "Not really," he responded, blasting another Gyaos. "If they destroy Earth, then I won't have anything to take over and terrorize!"

Just then, from the eastward sky came a swarm of Bat People. Behind them could be heard the diabolic laughter of Dr. Malik. Yongary also happened to arrive. The town's official Obscure Kaiju Researcher, he had been off on business in Mexico after hearing rumors that a bootlegged print of DEMON FROM DEVIL'S LAKE might exist there. He soon joined Sandworm Phish.

"Didn't you forget something?" Yongary asked

"No, why?"

"You don't seem to have any MASER cannons."

"You know they don't do a thing against Kaiju!"

"But still... for tradition's sake..." Just then, they happened to glance over at their Institute of Obscure Kaiju's greenhouse. An extraneous bolt had hit the structure, somehow causing the fungus inside to mutate. A large, suspiciously familiar shape shambled through a shattered wall.

"Matango!" Saruman yelled. "Run!!"

Chapter Six: THE ROOSTVILLE MILITIA
Executing a hasty 'tactical withdrawal' to an abandoned Greek temple in the southeastern district, the Dark Triad attempted to regroup the Roostville Militia. Fire teams of Marines, each escorted by a pair of Mobile Infantry, spread out and methodically unloaded white-hot steel on the enemy, handling most of the grounded assailants while the MI worked over aerial attackers with firepower, mobility and brute force. In their wake, relieved civilians gleefully abused and vandalized downed Legion soldiers, Bat People and inebriated apes.

Meanwhile, MechaGodzilla X and Miyako Aso, having broken off a two-day training session to lead the Ogasawara ground forces, had arrived at the city's outskirts. A formidable army of Daikaiju and heavily armed Mechs moved in to flank them with Mecha-Ghidorah III bringing up the rear.

Grand Ghidorah, newly reconstituted from EGM's essence-sucking ray (see BEHIND THE SCENES OF "ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE") was the first to notice these party crashers and released a mind shattering snarl to alert his comrades. Looking up from a pleasant seagull snack®, Catbert noted that he was smack dab between the opposing armies and realizing it was a rather unhealthy place to be, disappeared with an especially loud BANG!.

Jun Katagiri, co-piloting Super X III, posed a quick question. "Say, guys... at this point, should we even bother trying to avoid collateral damage?"

Scratching her lower jaw with a taloned finger, Miyako deliberated for a second. "Nah. The local construction companies can use the work. Serves them right, slacking off on those Superhighway® pot holes."

Chiki Ozawa, piloting Mecha Ghidorah I, did a quick head count. "Anguirus, Titanosaurus, Kong, Sanda, Baragon, Manda, Godzilla, Godzilla... waitasec... aw, damn! When did we get another one?" Mire-Goji III (Godzilla X Mechagodzilla), overhearing her, turned to wave hello. "Ye gods... it's almost like a friggin' amoeba, the way they multiply. OK, everyone's here. We're ready to rock (© Blue Oyster Cult)!"

"Quite," responded M-G III, its bio-syntech central head locking a stony stare on Grand Ghidorah.

"Then let's get this hoe down started," growled the Geekspawn, having raced up to join the fun.

The opening cacophony of howls, roars, shrieks, cackles and other less coherent sounds shattered glass, cracked stone and deafened unfortunate lesser beings in a 30 mile radius. An answering bout of simian shrieking from nearby Kong Town went ignored as the REAL battle heated up.

Working with the White Hats® for a change, Destoroyah barreled in with a hellish baying cry, smacking a surprised Megalon aside in his eagerness to Laser Horn Orga into some rather disgusting cold cuts. Staggering up, the great beetle grunted his annoyance with this intrusion, noted the gouts of flying gore and wisely left Des to his playtime.

Diving to evade Grand Ghidorah's opening salvo, M-G III concentrated a wicked triple blast on the fiend's center neck, adding to the punishment with a flurry of Full Metal Rockets. With a furious shriek, the mystic dragon cut left, deflecting the projectiles with an eldritch shield. Swooping upon his cyborg doppleganger like a bird of prey, Ghidorah latched on to M-G's outer necks with snapping fangs. Responding in kind, the center head struck, bio-syntech blades sprouting from the temple and slashing into Grand Ghidorah's breast bone. Around the dueling dragons, heroic and malefic monsters, (with a fire-spitting Mech here and there) locked in brutal combat, dealing equal damage to the city and each other.

Chapter Seven: FROM THE ASHES OF THE BEST BUY...
From the roof of City Hall, Gamingboy observed the carnage.

"Darn! There goes the Best Buy. Where am I gonna get my Nintendo fix?? Hey... waitasec... This makes most of the Toho films look tame! We could make a TON of money just filming it... Yeah..." Thus inspired, the Gamer/visionary dashed off to find a miraculously working pay phone and make some strategic calls.

Super Jet Jaguar showed up with his friend, Angillis. "Yo, Ang... What's with the costume?" asked Uber. Angillis was wearing the suit from TRIGUN with the guitar from KIKAIDER on his back.

"Time to kill," he solemnly intoned as one hand turned into a gun and he pulled out Vash's weapon to blow the Gyaos apart, with help from Evil Genius Man.

"Okay. What did you do to Angillis?"

"That's the REAL him..." Suddenly, EGM's Ghidorah cells took over and he formed with the real Grandy.

"SWITCH ON!" Angillis yelled as he turned into the android Kikaider, except a lot bigger. He and Grandy had one huge fight!

"OOOOOOkay... Well, that was odd... Um, SJJ, you sure you did not do anything to him?"

"Yes, I am sure..."

Two hours later, Angillis had cut off one wing, two heads and got one of his arms shattered while Grandy was in the air doing that Silver Bullet thing. Despite being super sized, not even dust remained afterwards but EGM came back!

"Back to the drawing board..."


Epilogue

"Do me a favor," yelled a 'normal' Angillis."Leave the Kaiju out of it!"

"Well, that explains a lot..."

"Sorry, but say good bye to your memory!" Now wearing black shades, Angillis aimed the Nurlizer from MEN IN BLACK. "Nothing happened. You saw nothing. It was just a weather balloon..."

THE END

NOTE: This tale is basically considered a prelude to the 'auditions' featured in KAIJU FREE-FOR-ALL! for ROBBERY IN ROOSTVILLE, the first one written to chronicle Roostville's rather colorful and exciting "history".


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